A Little of This, a Dash of That

Y’all oughtta be proud of Miss Ginger.  I found out today that two of the projects I’ve submitted for my teaching with computers class are going to be used as examples for future classes.  I worked my ass off on them, and it’s very rewarding that the professor chose them (only one other person had a project selected), so GO ME!  Couple that with the fact that Thanksgiving break is right around the corner, and this girl is looking forward to a few days off.  If you couldn’t tell by my absence around the blogosphere, I’ve been really effin’ busy.  Deadlines are looming and the semester’s almost over!

Went out again on Tuesday night to eat dinner and listen to music and had a great time yet again.  I think with all the stuff that’s happened, though, I’ve turned into a bit of a chickenshit when it comes to men.  I’m completely gun shy.  The boldness I’ve always felt before is much more reserved, and it’s odd.  Not bad, just different, I guess.

I’ve found myself thinking about WT a bit tonight.  I checked out the band that’s opening for the Avett Brothers when I see them in February and I wanted to share the music with him, because I know he’d like it.  I stopped myself, but fuck, do I miss my friend.  I wish we hadn’t been so stupid and stayed strictly friends.  Boo FWB. 

So that’s how it’s going this Thursday night.  Proud and a little sad.  Maybe next week I’ll be better at reading and posting.

Totally Music Tuesday

So, I’ve been doing this for enough weeks that I’m starting to wonder which songs I’ve posted already.  Since they’re all titled the same, it’d be kind of hard to check, so I’m just going to hope I’m not recycling.  This week , you get Personal Jesus, sung by Johnny Cash.  Dare you to say you don’t like it…

And, just for fun…

Badass-ness

Monday.  BAH!  I meant to write and set up today’s post last night, but well, it didn’t happen.  From 7 until 2 am, I was working on a paper that was due today.  I was seriously sitting, digging through essays, and trying to figure out just what my thesis was and how to develop it.  I hate structured writing!  So that was my night/morning, and I’m running on about 4 and a half hours of sleep. 

This weekend was pretty great.  The date went well!  I finally watched High Fidelity, caught up on Dexter and Mad Men, took a couple of nights off from homework, hence the long night last night.  I’m happy that though school is hectic right now, I will soon have a break from class, papers, and homework.  OH HAPPY DAY!

Let’s get down to business, shall we?  Mumma Boo at Mumma Boo x 2 has bestowed upon me the Badass Blogger Award!

 

I loves me some badassery (and awards!), so was excited to receive it.  The graphic’s cool, too, don’t ya think?  Now, I get to give it away, too!

Most of the blogs I read are written by total badasses, but I guess I’ll choose a few.

1.  Ms. Moon at Bless Our Hearts.  I don’t know who is more badass than she, and I mean that.  From her past to her present, she tells it like it is and doesn’t take any shit from anyone, not even when she’s on vacation.

2.  Evil Twin’s Wife at Glamorous Life of a Housefrau. She is a former punk, tatted up, and shows readers her ta-tas from time to time. 

3.  The Dish.  This girl is as sweet as can be, but she doesn’t let her crazy boss walk all over her.  She has to be a total badass to put up with the stuff she does.

Three badass ladies, all deserving of this award. 

Hope y’all had a good Monday!

Surprise!

Are you sitting down?  I sure hope so.

Something terribly surprising happened yesterday.  Are you ready?  Really, really ready?  You sure?

My mother apologized to me. The words, “I was wrong” actually came out of her mouth.  Can you believe it?  I about fell off the chair when she said that.  Let’s just bask in the shock and awe, shall we?  I’ll wait.

I’m sorry for being behind a bit on the blogs, I’ve been buried in homework and have been working very hard this week to get everything in on time.  This is the first day since last Friday that I haven’t spent the majority of my time at home on school work.  It feels amazing to know that I can take a couple of nights off and not worry about now.  There is only a week and a half until Thanksgiving, and then only one more week of class following that before finals.  The end is in sight!  For this semester, anyhow.

I spoke to one of my professors today about the whole “advising” situation.  She’s been with the university for a while, and even though she’s fairly young, she’s very knowledgable about the university and its policies (plus, she’s buddies with the dean who was rude to me).  I asked for her advice on what steps should be taken, and told her that while I didn’t want to stir things up just for the sake of stirring, I also didn’t want to take it lying down.  She suggested filing an Issues Resolution with the university.  This would entail writing an appeal letter, then meeting with some of the faculty and/or dean.  I’m not sure if it’ll work (it would have been better if I’d been able to get an advising appointment earlier in the semester), but it’s worth a shot.  The worst they can say is no, right? 

So, that’s what’s haps over here in Gingerland.  I still can’t believe my mom apologized to me, working hard to stick it to The Man, and excited to be going out tomorrow night.  What’s the most surprising thing that’s happened to you recently?

Losing

It really seems to be true that when things seem to be headed toward the good, that’s when my mother decides to go off the rails.

For the past couple of weeks, we have gotten along well, she has been calm and friendly, and I’ve confided more in her than I ever have before – and been surprised by how good it felt to talk to her about personal things.  It’s been nice and not as tension-filled as usual.  Obviously when I think things are going well, she has a very different view, and that exploded tonight.

This afternoon, I came home and worked on homework from 2:30 until it was time to go to the high school open house for Big J, which was about 5:45.  Yes, I had that much homework (and I’m still not done).  The boys were quiet and did their homework, then played games until it was time to leave.  We were gone until almost 7:30, at which time the boys showered and I settled back down with my homework.  At around 8, the boys were fighting about what to watch on tv, so I told them both to go to their rooms.  Little J smarted off, so I took him into my room and was dealing with that.  He’s been mouthy quite a bit lately, and I’d had it.  I don’t like talking to the boys where everyone can hear.  It’s not my mother’s or anyone else’s business how I discipline my children.  It does not involve spanking/hurting them, rather discussing the reasons why their behavior is unacceptable and ways they can correct it.  We had been in my room for maybe 2 minutes…and she knew this…when she came down and was calling me to the door.  There are several problems with this, not the least of which I obviously wanted privacy to deal with my son. 

I opened the door and she started yelling at me that one of the boys had deleted one of her shows from the DVR, and that she’s tired of these kinds of things happening.  I said to her, “Ok, I am dealing with another situation right now, can we talk about this later,” to which she screamed at me, “well, maybe you can deal with it in another residence!” as she walked away.  I shut the door and continued with Little J while she stormed upstairs to scream at Big J about it.  Not ten minutes earlier, she had been downstairs joking around with us.

When I had said everything I wanted to say to Little J, I put them both in bed, and went to talk to my mother.  She was sitting in the couch, and I told her (trying to open a discussion), “I’m sorry.  It’s just that I was dealing with something else when you came down there.”  She sat there silent for a moment, and then told me she wasn’t going to talk to me about it right now, that we could discuss it at the therapist’s office tomorrow. 

I think part of this has to do with the revelation that I may not be graduating for another 2 and a half years, of which she does not want to keep a roof over our heads anymore.  That is understandable.  Her actions, however, are not.

God fucking dammit.  You want me to talk to you, then you don’t want me to talk to you.  You tell me I need to stay here until I get my degree, and then you want me gone.  You tell me I’m not strict enough, yet when I’m disciplining the children, you interrupt.  I honestly don’t think there is ever going to be a time where she feels I have done the right thing.

What are my options?  I don’t qualify for section 8 housing because I live here right now, and also the housing in our city is full.  I can’t afford an apartment unless I quit school.  Do I take my kids to a shelter and hope that there’s a program that can help us?  Do I quit school?  None of these are good options, right? 

I feel like my circumstances own me.  I feel like no matter what I do, I will never have a sane relationship with my mother.  I feel like it’s selfish of me to be in school right now instead of making money to house my children.  I feel like for every good day, there are three bad ones.  And I feel like I can’t win for losing.

How did I end up here???

Totally Music Tuesday

Happy Tuesday, y’all.  This week, you get a retro-sounding song, ’cause I’m feelin’ extra sassy.  It’s Bye Bye Baby by The Detroit Cobras.  Go ahead and tap your feet along, you deserve it. 

Hope you have a great day!

Funday, Funday, Funday

This weekend was the best weekend I’ve had in months and months.  Boy, did I need it, too.  Between the endless homework, frustrations with the bureaucratic bullshit, and Big J being sick (he had tonsilitis, but is now better), I was completely stressed.  Oh, I’m still pretty stressed, but the opportunity to let loose was fully welcomed.

Big J was home from school Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, so I ended up not keeping Senor Fussypants Friday.  I spent the entire day cleaning the house – scrubbing the bathtub, sinks, toilets, vacuuming, sweeping, and washing dishes.  Trust me, it was a big task.  For a house with three adults, I’m just a bit disgruntled that I’m the only person who does these things.  I’m pretty sure no one else has washed even one dish in the last month.  I digress.  Friday night, Little J went to a birthday party/sleepover, and I hung out with Scooter at his house and watched movies. 

On Saturday, my most favoritest cousin ever, Dave, drove into town.  He’s visiting from Santa Barbara for a couple of weeks and staying with his mom in Chicago.   He’s our favorite (mine and my sister’s) because even though he’s 15 years older than I and 17 years older than she, he used to take us to do things when we were kids.  The movies, the beach, the pool, he treated us like friends and not like annoying little kids.  Many a childhood summer memory includes Dave. 

He ended up not getting here until late afternoon, so we ended up all going to dinner at the Irish pub downtown – Mom, Dave, the boys, and me.  It was delicious, and even though Little J was falling asleep (after staying up all night at the sleepover), we all had a good time.  Dave, Sis and I had talked about going out somewhere that night, and they were going to have live music at the pub, so the plan was that we’d just go there.  However, the place is popular, and I knew that if we left and came back, we’d lose our table.  Mom ended up taking the boys home (YAY Mom!), and Sis came and met us.  The music wasn’t great, but we talked and laughed and drank for a couple of hours, and it was great.   Sis then decided she wanted to do karaoke.  I texted some folks to find out where to go, and we headed over.  However, when we got there, we pretty much walked in, looked around, and decided that was NOT the place for us.  We ended up going and getting a margarita instead.  All in all, it was a great night, and I wish Dave lived closer!

Highlights included:

*Dave telling us about the Taiwanese lady he met (she can’t be over 25) who wants to date him and suggested they get a hotel room when he comes back so he can “research” her body.

*Talking about our Granny, and how she used to cook with a cigarette on her mouth, and how she would talk with said cigarette in her mouth and it would go up and down.

*Talking in Granny’s voice, and saying things like, “Taste of it.  Ya might oughtta like it.”

*Talking about music.

*Dave telling us a creepy UFO story.

*Teasing Dave about the time he took us to the movies and the concession person thought we were his daughters.

*Getting drunk and laughing a lot.

*Trying to say “he got shpielkis in his ganectagazoink” (approximate spelling) while drunk and laughing a lot.  (Anyone get the reference?)

Oh, and for those of you who aren’t on facebook – my new alias is Fanci Worthington.  It just rolls off the tongue, no?  For the record, that is someone’s real name.

Once Dave was on his way back to Chicago yesterday, the rest of the evening/night was spent doing math homework.  Yes, all night was spent working on 30 math problems.  Ugh.  Does someone want to explain to me why I need to know how to factor numbers with exponents and variables, anyway? 

Back to the grind, and feelin’ behind.  It’s all good, though. 

P.S.  I have a date this weekend!

Tragedy

This is so horrible, so awful.  I wanted to write about it, but can’t seem to find the right words. 

The person who did this was a MENTAL HEALTH doctor, someone who is supposed to first do no harm, to help his fellow soldiers when they are in theater, and when they return home. 

This person went to the most populated area of one of the most populated military bases in the United States and opened fire because he was upset over his impending deployment.  30 wounded and 13 dead.  He is alive and being protected in the hospital by soldiers.  Could you imagine being the soldier charged with that duty?

While I don’t personally know anyone who is currently stationed at Fort Hood, this hits home hard.  My children have, for the most part, been raised on military bases.  We know many military families.  I would venture to guess that most of you who read this blog know at least one person serving.  It’s all so horrifying when anyone does something like this, but a doctor?

What a waste of a human life.

This is a Crock

I got some terrible news on Monday.  Not terrible as in someone’s going to die or anything, but terrible all the same. 

You see, I went to go visit my academic advisor Monday afternoon – the man who has advised me on which classes to take for the past year now.    Now, I don’t flatter myself that he actually knows and remembers me every time, because for all of the students in the School of Education (program for future teachers), there are only two advisors – one for elementary education majors, and one for secondary.  You have to schedule appointments at least a month in advance, and even then it’s likely that you’ll be waiting in the office for at least thirty minutes after your scheduled appointment.  It’s always a madhouse in that office.

I knew from my own advising sheet (which is kind of a checklist of classes) that I had about a year and a half left before I’d get my degree.  That had me set to graduate in the summer of 2011 (which, I might add, is a whole year later than the estimate the same adivsor gave me when I was transferring and trying to choose my major), and even though it still seemed like a long way away, I had a date, something to look forward to.  I went into the meeting expecting him to reiterate that I would, indeed, graduate in 2011 and let me know what order my last handful of classes should be (some are only offered in spring, some only in fall).

He started to look at my file, and looked worried.  “This isn’t good,” I thought.  And it wasn’t.  He drew up two possible paths I could take.  One involved taking 15 or more credit hours in the spring (which would be difficult, but not impossible), needing special permission from the dean of the education department to take two methods courses simultaneously, taking and passing the PRAXIS I exam before spring semester starts, and finishing and turning in a student teaching packet.  All of these things I would gladly do.  The second path had me finishing up the remaining English/Lit classes (of which there are 5) and one math class next semester, then completing all of the methods classes over the next four semesters, which would mean 2 semesters where there were only 2 classes I needed (because some are only offered in spring, some in fall).  It would also mean a whole other goddamned year of school.

I was shaken, but decided I was just going to suck it up, get the shit taken care of and get the hell out as fast as I could.  The first step was calling the dean to set up an appointment.  He wasn’t in his office, so I left a message, then called to schedule my PRAXIS exam.  I was on hold for close to 20 minutes, but got my appointment for the first of December, and would get my results three or four weeks before the start of the spring semester.  On the right track.  I didn’t hear from the dean, so went to his office three times yesterday, each time he wasn’t there.  He finally called me yesterday evening at about 5 and frankly, was a complete ass.  When I told him what my advisor had said and told me to ask, he treated me like an idiot because I didn’t know which methods class was what by the number.  Uh…ok.  Then, he told me he wouldn’t give me permission to take the two classes together because “it wasn’t done that way” and that I should have known that from my advising sheet.  Uh…what?  My ADVISOR told me to ask you these questions, you big jerk! 

So, with that, my hopes were dashed.  I won’t be graduating until 2012.  I will be in school a whole extra year because one man wouldn’t give one student an exception to take two classes together.  Can you believe that a whole year depended on TWO classes?  ARGGGGGGGGGGGH!

Fucking school.  I am so frustrated and defeated right now.  I came in to this university with over 70 credits already, and by the time I’m done, will have gone full-time for 3 and a half years.  I want it to be over, I want to be able to leave this place with my boys.  A whole other year, spinning my wheels.

Totally Music Tuesday

Ack!  It’s already Tuesday again.  There’s some school stuff a-brewin’, but I’ll save that for tomorrow.  This week you get Al Green.  Oooh yeah, baby. 

Hope y’all have a great day.