I have been thinking an awful lot about friendships lately, and what I value in the ones I have.  The things I value in friendships are loyalty, honesty, and respect.  One thing I don’t like is judgment.  It’s one of the things I hate about my mother, and it’s not surprising to me that I chose a friend who could be very judgemental of me and those around me.  Namely, boyfriends and other close friends.

I first realized this posessiveness (?) (not really sure if that’s the best word for it) when we were out together and I saw another friend I had known for almost ten years.  I hadn’t seen this other friend in a year, so ran up to give her a hug.  First friend turned to the people we were with and made a snide comment about second friend (who they had never met).  I shrugged it off when I was told about it.

Men have always been an issue as well.  This friend has always had very strong opinions dating, and how I should go about it.  Giving me “advice” that I didn’t always take because I wasn’t comfortable with it.  Putting emphasis on money and possessions and the type of man I “should” date.  I let it slide because I knew my friend had my best interest at heart.  I would sometimes try to remind my friend that I understood what they were saying, but I was trying to find my own way. 

This is a friend that I turned to on my darkest days, and they were always there for me.  However, when I was happy and excited about something, it wasn’t good enough.  So, I blogged about how that made me feel (read:  like shit).  I didn’t mention my friend’s name at all, I didn’t say that I didn’t want to be close to them anymore.  However, apparently it was taken as the end of our friendship.

I have thought and thought about this, and am wondering if I really want or need this person in my life.  What was simply purging some hurt on my blog turned into this friend’s totally defensive, angry rant.  One in which they slammed my other friends, which is something I don’t think I can forgive.  This was seemingly justified by admitting to being judegmental, which isn’t much of a justification to me.  I haven’t spoken to this person, mostly because I don’t know what to say.  I am completely at a loss. 

I have been wondering why I want this person in my life.  Because they have been there for me in the past?  This is true.  When things were bad, this person was my go-to.  They were there, day or night.  However, anytime things were good, they were right there to tear me down.  Do I really want or need that?  When I am happy about something, I want to be able to talk to my friends about it.  I don’t want to be afraid of what they might tell me is wrong with this or that.  I don’t feel like that is wanting a “yes man,” but rather, the other friendships that I have valued are supportive.  It is not my job to tell my friends that they should do something or another, but to support them in whatever way I can.  Is it wrong to expect the same???

I have done nothing, because I don’t want to do something I can’t take back.  However, I’m not sure if this can be fixed or even if it’s worth fixing.  Why would I want that negativity?

On a similar note, WT sent me an email last night.  He had decided he wants to be friends now…that he just needed a little time to get over me.  Well you know what???  You can’t tell me not to contact you, say all kinds of nasty things about me, and then expect me to still be your friend.  Ginger is not playing that game anymore, dude.

7 Responses to “Purging”

  1. 1 Evil Twin's Wife March 31, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    I’m sorry that it has come down to this. I was hoping you two could work things out – and that’s still possible – just give it time, but I also think that there are times in our lives when we need to move away or toward other people as necessary. It doesn’t mean you “hate” the person, it just means you need a break to process how the relationship fits for you (and them). Hang in there. {{{HUGS}}}

  2. 2 apatheticbliss March 31, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    oh honey…i can relate to this so much!!!!
    I feel the same way about judgement and judgemental people….life is a trip…some constants some not…but lots of experiences and lessons along the way…things always work out for the best…hugs

  3. 3 teeni April 1, 2009 at 11:51 am

    Like Evil Twin’s Wife, I was hoping the two of you could work things out as well. You have to decide whether the friendship is worth it to you and if so, you need to discuss these things together to make it better and grow from this. But maybe you did need a time out as you both seem to have been hurting each other lately instead of being happy for each other – sometimes a little space is good so that the boundary lines can be a little clearer.

  4. 4 Bekki April 1, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    I feel as if I can’t say anything that will be any better than what teeni and eviltwin’s wife said. Wow! You should consider yourself blessed that THESE people are in your life and that they are as supportive and caring as they are.

    Okay…here’s my sage advice: every once in a while something catastrophic happens and it makes the “good” people in your life rise to the occasion. Maybe this is the universes way of weeding out people who are bad for us? I don’t know all of the answers, because if I did, well, I’d be Oprah (blah). But I do know that I’ve been through a shit storm before and all the good people in my life have come out smelling clean! (parenthesis junkie)

  5. 5 Ron April 1, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    If things are meant to work out they will eventually. Do what you think is right and maybe time will bring things back around or not. You’ve got good advice up there so not much more I can add other than {{HUGS}}. Now time for you to Jam out with your clam out!!! 🙂

  6. 6 lola April 2, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Ugh! Friendships can be so hard sometimes. I was hoping you guys would work it out, but if you really feel that she tries to tear you down when you’re happy, then maybe you’re better off to let it go.

    I’m having friend issues right now, too, so I feel your pain. It’s not fun at all. (((Hugs)))!

  7. 7 gingermagnolia April 3, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    Thanks guys. This hasn’t been something that I’ve been agonizing over, really, but I just was thinking it over.

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