All Will Be Revealed

My, my, my.  Not even really sure how to begin this post, but I feel like I need to tell you guys the whole story (at least my side) of what happened with WT and how I came to be one half of a couple with the Fireman.  I debated about writing this, and I have written several posts that have remained unpublished for weeks, but I decided in the end I would just password protect it and let it all out.  That’s why y’all love me, right? 

Since I didn’t really tell y’all much about WT’s living situation before, I guess I should start there.  When we first started talking, he told me about his roommate, and how they had been friends for years, and that it was a woman.  He said that they had been FWB, but I took that to mean that they had sex when they weren’t seeing other people.  It didn’t really bother me.  I mean, in the beginning, we were just supposed to be FWB’s, too.  He even told me not to fall in love with him, and I said the same.  I wasn’t expecting anything from him more than friendship and sex.  He said that he was a complete commitment phobe and didn’t want to be in a serious relationship.  I didn’t really want to, either.  In all honesty, I really just wanted a little fun in my life. 

After a few weeks of nonstop texting and talking, he let the “L” word slip.  HE did.  I told him the same (I don’t believe in hiding my feelings, you know that), and it was about a week after that that we had the big “what is our relationship” talk.  That was when he encouraged me to see other people, so I did.  I saw my Fireman and had a great time.  After the second date, though, I felt guilty.  I felt most guilty because I felt like I wasn’t giving Fireman the attention he deserved.  A few days later was when I became WT’s girlfriend.  Throughout all of this, I told the Fireman everything that was going on, and he listened patiently.  He never once told me I was stupid for choosing WT over him, and never said one word against him. 

It was a Sunday that I became WT’s girlfriend.  Things were great for a few days, and then on Wednesday, his roommate popped up on IM and wanted to chat.  We had chatted before, I felt like I needed to make an effort since they lived together and she would be around a lot no matter what.  As we were talking, something slipped out that stuck with me.  I can’t even remember exactly what it was, but as soon as I read it, I knew they had been having sex even when he had been with me (not necessarily for those few days, but whatever).  The damage was done.  He and I had a long talk about it, and I told him I wasn’t sure that I could handle knowing that.  No, we weren’t exclusive, but he knew about my past.  He also knew how guilty I felt about making out with the Fireman, and that it’s hard for me to be so flippant about sex. 

The rest of the week was up and down, back and forth.  WT kept saying that he felt like maybe it was a mistake for us to be exclusive, that he felt like he was “missing out on something.”  Yeah, can you believe that?  Still, he declared his love for me and said that he just needed time to adjust to being part of a couple.  Again, throughout this time, I turned to my Fireman.  I can’t remember if I gave him all the details just yet, but he got the gist of it.  We had lunch one day and talked about a lot of things, and one night I went to his house to try and get my mind off of things.  We put in a funny movie and were just hanging out talking.  I remember looking at him and thinking, this feels so right.  I couldn’t understand how I could feel that way when I was so tangled up with WT, but there it was.

WT and I went back and forth, and it seemed that we never really accomplished anything for all of our talking about our “relationship,” which by this point was feeling a lot like work and nothing like fun.  On Sunday night, he asked if we could meet face to face to talk about things, and I agreed.  We sat in my car and talked for about 2 hours.  I said everything I needed to say, which was mostly about his roommate and that whole situation.  I asked him if he realized that their relationship was that of an open marriage, and how could I fit into that?  He had no answer, other than he didn’t want to lose me.  He also said something about being either “all in” or we needed to “get the fuck out.”  That triggered a response in me to cling tighter to him.  I mean, I cared about him, I loved him, I didn’t want to let him go completely.  Y’all know I have trouble letting people go!  I cried and cried, and at the end, we still hadn’t really come to a conclusion, so we said we were all in. 

As soon as I got home, I knew I made a mistake.  I had had the feeling before that no matter what happened with WT, I would eventually end up with the Fireman.  I stewed over it all night, and told the Fireman (I had told him what happened with WT, and then told him that I’d thought I’d made a mistake).  Still, he didn’t tell me I had.  He was supportive and calming, and non-judgemental.  This just reiterated the fact that I had chosen the wrong man.  Every time I talked to someone about the Fireman, the best way for me to describe him was that he was a great guy.  He is.  Completely.  I haven’t met a more genuinely nice person in my life. 

So, I made the decision that night to talk to WT the next morning, and end it.  I went to class, and as soon as I was in my car, I called him.  I basically just babbled on as he seethed.  He didn’t even say much.  I told him how I knew it was a mistake, that we could make things work for a while, maybe a couple of years, and then one or both of us would resent the other.  I knew he didn’t really want to settle down, and the only reason he said those things was because he was afraid to lose me.  He didn’t want to be exclusive until I started dating the Fireman.  I knew that he could be faithful, but that he would end up resenting me if he felt he was missing out on other things.  So, I hung up with him and called my Fireman.

He was off that day, and asked if I wanted to come over to talk.  I walked in the door and just kind of melted into him.  I cried all over him and told him everything, and how I felt horrible because I had broken WT’s heart.  I stayed there for a few hours, and he comforted me and made me lunch, and made me laugh.  I knew I had done the right thing.  My intuition has always been strong, but the trouble is, when it comes to men and my heart, I haven’t listened to it much.  This time I did, and I knew it was right.

We have spent time together every day since that day, and every day since has been a good one.  The day I called things off with WT, I cried a lot.  I was very sad, and I figured I would be sad for a while.  However, the next day, I was pretty good.  I realized that the reason I was so sad wasn’t so much about losing WT, but that I knew I had hurt him.  However, I knew what I needed to do, and did it.  I was proud of myself for not being a coward.  At first, WT said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, but after a few days, he told me he wanted us to try to be friends.  It was shaky, but I felt like we could do it. I was wrong.  Even though it had been a few weeks, and he knew that I was with the Fireman, when I posted pictures of the two of us from Chicago online, he told me not to contact him again.  I wasn’t even sad about that.  It just let me know that I was right about him, although I do have a feeling I will hear from him again eventually.

So, that’s the story.  I’m happy with my decision.  I’m happy with my life right now.  I’m looking forward to whatever the future brings, and I am feeling strong that I listened to my intuition and followed through.  My relationship with the Fireman is based on so much more than just sex, and that is a first for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I like-ah da sex, and we are a good match in the bedroom fo sho, but we didn’t start off with sex.  We have fun together, we talk about anything and everything, and we have the same goals for our lives.  Ginger is a happy camper, dudes.


8 Responses to “All Will Be Revealed”

  1. 1 Evil Twin's Wife March 22, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    I’m so happy for you. I think things will continue to get better and make good progress now that you have all this off your chest. Hang in there!

  2. 2 Lola March 22, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Hey, as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. My theory is if there’s too much drama, it’s not worth the effort 😉

  3. 3 Ron March 23, 2009 at 8:30 am

    Congrats!! And the really good news is if there is a fire he can take care of it with his buddies from the fire department instead of having to take the form of a bucket of water.

  4. 4 jessiee1112 March 23, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    I think all that matters is that you’re happy. And that’s a pretty cute picture, BTW. 🙂

  5. 5 apathetic bliss March 24, 2009 at 10:23 am

    i think you followed your intuition and you look pretty freaking cute together!
    drama is always overrated and nothing but trouble and hurt so yay for the fireman! 🙂

    ps I wish blogger had password protected posts!

  6. 6 teeni March 25, 2009 at 12:17 am

    Well then all I have to say is this:

    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 He’s so into you that he doesn’t even look at the camera! Looks like you found someone who really cares about YOU and that is really nice. I’m very happy for you. Take your time with it and learn to enjoy this different man who seems to be way different (in a better way) than some of the others you’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Awesome pic! You look truly happy. 🙂

  7. 7 gingermagnolia March 25, 2009 at 8:21 am

    ETW – I’m so good right now, other things aren’t really bothering me at the moment! 😉

    Lola – Definitely not, and I’m glad it didn’t take me a year to figure it out this time!

    Ron – Oh, he knows how to put out a fire! 😉

    Jessie – Thanks! I love this picture! I am happy, and I feel like it’s because of me more than anything else.

    AP – Thanks! I actually listened to it for once, and it was definitely the right thing to do. I can’t believe it doesn’t have PWP!

    Teeni – YES! He is different in so many ways. We spend a whole lot of time together, getting to know each other. We definitely aren’t rushing into anything! I feel so wonderful about this, what it is, and what it will be.

  8. 8 Bekki March 26, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    No one in the world deserves this more than you, my bffe. I have this contented feeling in my soul for you.

    For everyone else: I’ve met the fireman. He is AMAZING. He’s also amazing enough for our Ginger! He’s kind to her and he calms her in a way that is loving. He makes her laugh and appreciates her brain. And also, he’s cute! which I totally blurted out the moment I met him and he STILL sat and ate lunch with me.

    Great reference Ron to the Wonder Twin cartoon (I still miss it)

    P.S. Love you Ginger

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