Curious-er and Curious-er

As soon as I finished writing yesterday’s post, I passed out cold.  I was so completely exhausted, I fell right to sleep.  Then I woke up four hours later, wide awake.  I think I was awake for about 2 hours, then was able to sleep for about an hour and a half more before it was time to get up with the boys.  I figured I would come home, shower, and then sleep until I had to leave for campus.

Not so, it seemed.  I had just finished drying my hair, and figured I would check out a couple of blogs before I went back to dreamland.  I always have Facebook open, and I had a friend request.  At first, I wasn’t sure who it was, because it wasn’t a real name.  I knew the email address, though.  It was Douche’s half-brother.  This is kind of a long story, so I’ll give you the shortest version possible, and hopefully it won’t confuse you too much.

Douche was taken away from his birth parents when he was a toddler.  Basically, SOMEONE beat him severely, with both parents pointing the finger at the other.  His father’s brother stepped up and adopted him after he had been in protective custody for a few months.  So, he grew up thinking his uncle was his dad and his dad was his uncle.  His birth mother came to visit him a few times, but stopped before he grew out of toddler-hood.  He had an older half-brother, and eventually, two younger half-brothers.  He didn’t know he was adopted until he was 13, when his grandmother slipped up one day.  Most of the rest of his family knew, like his cousins who were his age and stuff.  After this, he only knew that he had an older brother.  When he was 16 and I was 14, he went to summer church camp with me.  It was with my friend, Anna’s church, and there was a man from her church who knew Douche’s biological parents and his adopted parents, and that his younger half-brothers were there at the same camp.  This man introduced them to each other.  It was strange, not only because they had never met each other, but because Douche didn’t even know he HAD younger brothers.  The older of the two was about 11 or 12, and the younger one was only about 8.  One had similar mannerisms and the other one had his eyes.  It was so weird.  He hadn’t even told me he was adopted until then. 

Anyhow, they kind of got to know each other that week (as much as they could, anyway), and when we all went home, Douche’s birth mother started calling a little wanting to “get to know him.”  He wasn’t ready for that, and his adopted mother tried to protect him as much as she could.  The birth mother only called a few times before disappearing again. 

Cut to 2001, we are getting ready to move away to Hawaii for three years.  I was curious about his biological family (Little J was a baby at the time), and wanted to know more about them, so I encouraged Douche to try and contact them before we moved an ocean away.  He found out where they were living and a phone number, and made the call.  We ended up going to his biological mother’s apartment to visit, and all of his half brothers were there.  They were all crazy about the boys, and kept saying how much the baby looked like Douche (he does).  It was a little strange because the mother kept wanting Douche to call her “Mom” and the boys to call her “Grandma.”  At first meeting. 

Then we moved away, and I kept in touch with the mother through mail and occasional phone calls.  Douche never really dealt with her, and it got weird.  That’s the only way I can describe it.  She wanted us to be best buddies.  It escalated more and more, and it became clear that this woman was unwell.  So, I slowly disconnected.  We moved and I didn’t tell her our new phone number, just our address.  Then the next time we moved, I didn’t even give her the address.  This didn’t seem to concern Douche in the least.  He never made any more efforts with his biological family, and I didn’t push.  I had always liked his brothers, though, and felt like they should know their nephews.  No matter what the mother did, it wasn’t their fault.

Once I got onto MySpace, I looked them up, but only found the youngest brother.  He’s been my buddy there ever since.  He’s in the Marines, and seems to have his stuff together.  BUT, he and his mother are extremely co-dependent.  She controls him completely, and it’s gotten so bad that they have alienated the other brothers. 

This morning, when I figured out who it was (it was the older of the two younger brothers), I started chatting with him.  He was trying to find Douche.  Basically, he is longing for a sense of family.  He wants to know ALL of his brothers, and his nephews.  I told him about the split, and gave him Douche’s phone number and email address, and told him I couldn’t promise that Douche would respond, but it was worth a shot.  We actually chatted for about an hour and a half.  I found out that he had gotten married and had two daughters, and that he was working and going to school.  I told him that I considered him family, and that I wanted him to know the boys as much as he could.  We planned to meet up with all the kids next time the boys and I are in Texas, and promised to stay in touch. 

I can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have my sisters.  How horrible would that be?  To have such a big family, but not know anything about them.  He didn’t know that his youngest brother was in Kuwait, or that Douche would soon be going to Afghanistan.  He is scared that he’ll never get a chance to know them.  We promised to keep in touch, and I sincerely hope that Douche will give him a chance.  There’s no reason not to, but…he’s a douche, so you never know.

Wow, this is turning into quite the lengthy post.  Sorry about that!  Tonight, I went to get a pedicure with Bekki.  Not just any pedicure, though.  She and her mother-in-law go every month to this nail salon where they lock the doors for a few customers (I think there were a total of 6), and serve wine and play music and pretty much just let loose.  It was SO. MUCH. FUN!  I always have a blast with Beks, and this was no exception.  I mean, I got pampered AND got to see my BFF?  How cool is THAT?!  The best part was when everyone was done.  One of the owners was a gay guy, and he had been pouring wine the entire time, arguing with us over shape vs. width, and shakin’ his ass to the music.  Well, by the time we were paying for our pedis, he and one of the girls started dancing in the window like it was the red light district or something.  Fuckin’ hilarious!  I’m gonna try to make this a regular thing, not just because I like pedicures a lot (I do), but because I don’t get to see Beks enough, nor do I get out of the house for girl time enough.  We were talking about how fun it would be to have a slumber party with our girlfriends.  We tried to do that at the beginning of last summer, but it kind of got messed up.

Tomorrow morning, my sister is coming over to watch the boys for me so I can spend at least part of the day with my Wonder Twin.  His roomie is out of town this weekend, so we will have the house to ourselves, and I can NOT wait to just be with him.  Oh, and shag him rotten, of course.  Mustn’t forget that.  There will be lots of that.  Also, lots of snuggling. 

I kind of feel like I need to clarify something, not because your comments offended me in any way (they didn’t), but because I feel like maybe I wasn’t clear enough about the situation.  It isn’t that I want more from WT.  That’s not it at all.  The confusion I’m feeling is about whether or not I want to date anyone more than him right now, and whether I can handle dating more than one person at a time.  It seemed from the comments that y’all thought he wasn’t giving me what I wanted or needed, and that isn’t the case.  He makes me super happy, and still has yet to disappoint me.  I’m just trying to figure out what I need and want for me.  Make sense?  I hope so!

Okay, babies, I’m exhausted as I STILL haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep, so I’ll catch y’all on the flip side.

4 Responses to “Curious-er and Curious-er”


  1. 1 apathetic bliss February 21, 2009 at 4:58 am

    ohhh honey always keep your mind open…Wt may be wonderful but if you want to date more do it!…the pedis sounded fabulously fun…gotta love those grrl times

    smooches

  2. 2 eviltwinswife February 21, 2009 at 9:52 am

    I’m glad you’re staying in touch with the boys’ uncles – even if your ex doesn’t want to make the effort, at least they can know their nephews. The pedi night sounds like a blast!

  3. 3 Ms. Moon February 21, 2009 at 10:13 am

    That was a lot of information.
    I have a friend (well, used to) who grew up knowing he was adopted but not knowing that his adopted mother was really his grandmother and that his “sister” was actually his mother.
    And it fucked him up but good. He’s been in and out of mental institutions his entire life.
    It’s the secrets that kill us. I am convinced of this.
    Anyway, I want to come get a pedicure with you!
    And have fun with Mr. WT.
    I mean it.

  4. 4 gingermagnolia February 21, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    AP – I hear ya, just not sure I WANT to juggle another person. Mostly, I am afraid to hurt The Fireman.

    ETW – Family is very important to me, and it doesn’t matter that they aren’t my biological family. Pedi night was freakin’ awesome!

    Ms. Moon – Sorry, I know it was kind of an inundation. I don’t know that THIS is why he is so f’d up, but I know it didn’t help anything. You can come visit anytime, I’m sure you would fit right in. Maybe we can even get them to play some Monkees! I ALWAYS have fun with WT.


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