The Fun-Filled World of Douchebags

My boys are on their way home right now from Alabama.  I have not seen them since July 5.  I have been looking forward to this day for weeks.  Wonder of wonders, Douche found a way to ruin it.  When I woke up this morning, there was a missed call from his phone number.  When I talked to the boys last night, I asked them to call me at some point today so that I could estimate what time they would be here.  So, I figured one of them had tried to call to let me know they left. 

When I called back, Douche answered the phone.  Usually, he just hands the phone to one of the boys to answer, so it was weird.  In the Douchiest of ways (i.e. pretending to be really nice when, in fact, he is not), he told me they got a later start than expected and had left at 7 a.m.  Okay, no big deal, it will now be between 8-10 tonight before they get here. 

Then, he proceeded to tell me this (of course this isn’t verbatim, because we were talking.  Damn, I wish I had thought to grab my laptop and type everything down.  *Note to self*):

Douche:  Are you going to be home tonight when WE drop off the boys?

Me:  Yeah.  Why wouldn’t I be? 

Douche:  Good, because WE want to sit down and talk to you about some things.

Me:  Okaaaaay….

Douche:  Well, just about the boys and some things that we’ve talked about with them about how they fight all the time.

Me:  Yeah?

Douche:  Yeah, WE tried to tell Big J how he can’t reataliate if Little J hits him, because Big J could really hurt Little J.  WE also talked to Little J about his anger problem.  He gets that from my side of the family (YA THINK?)  and so WE had a lot of heart-to-hearts about how they are brothers and they shouldn’t treat each other like that.

Me:  Yeah, I’ve told them the same things over and over.

Douche:  Well, obviously it hasn’t sunk it.  Maybe this will help.

Me: ……

Douche:  I don’t know if the boys told you or not, but I am supposed to be deployed in February to Afghanistan for a year.

Me:  No, they didn’t tell me.  That really sucks, especially with a new baby.  (He was NEVER deployed ANYWHERE the whole time we were married, which was over 10 years.  Karma, maybe?)

Douche:  And since I have to pay on that debt every month till December, and I’ll be in Alaska by then, I won’t be able to have the boys for Christmas.  (I called this one last year when he told me they were moving).

Me:  So when do you plan on seeing them again?

Douche:  It will be at least a year and a half, when I get back from deployment.

Me:  …….

Douche:  So, WE just want to make sure you’ll be there tonight so we can talk abouth things.


What the fuck do you say to THAT?  Right now, all the excitement that had built up about the boys coming home has been deflated.  I am angry that “WE” deem it necessary to sit down and talk to me about ANYTHING that needs to be done regarding the boys.  Yes, he is their father, but he has been around them for five weeks of the past year.  For him to call me and talk to me about how “WE” worked with the boys (doing the same things I have done) and how they have had better manners and attitudes since they’ve been there really pisses me right the fuck off.  If I weren’t writing this, I’d probably be throwing things and slamming doors.  I am especially mad that I can’t tell him that it is none of HER business, because it is.  She is their step-mother. 

I’m also worried about the fact that he is thinking he won’t see the boys for at least a year and a half.  I know that they will be okay, because they have people here who love them, but I can’t imagine what they must feel knowing that they won’t see him for so long.  Add to that the not knowing how often they will get to see his family if he isn’t around.  I’m sure his parents will be able to work something out to see them at least in the summer time, but I won’t be able to afford to travel down to Texas all the time…

Another selfish reason this bothers me is that I won’t ever have a break from being “Mom.”  This past year, I have shown myself that I CAN do it alone, and that we have kind of figured out what works for us (the boys and me), but also that when they were with their dad, I could relax and enjoy myself.  This past month has been wonderful.  I can come and go as I please, I can drink some wine if I want to (I know I can when they are here, but I usually don’t).  I missed them, but I was really having fun just being me.

I don’t have a lot of options as far as child care goes.  When I first came up here, my sister promised to help out, and she really did…for a few months.  She and her husband are always busy, and it seems every time I asked her to babysit, the answer I got was, “I don’t know, let me get back to you…” with an eventual no.  I finally stopped asking.  My parents don’t ever babysit, either.  They are very busy people, and I feel guilty even asking them, since they do so much for us already.  ARGH! 

I feel a lot better than I did when I started this post.  Hopefully, I won’t have to assault anyone tonight.  You’d all have to pull together to bail me out of jail if that happens.

4 Responses to “The Fun-Filled World of Douchebags”

  1. 1 honeywine August 9, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    Lay out the baby oil and hair scrunchy just in case! lol 😉

    Oh and I’d have better manners too if I was afraid I’d get whooped. He was always the more “corporeal punishment” parent.

    Maybe a sperm donor isn’t such a bad idea. No baby-daddy’s to deal with.

  2. 2 Laura August 10, 2008 at 10:48 am

    Bleh. Just another in a long line of “just don’t get its”. Maybe one day he will. (!) In the meantime, you go, girl. I applaud what you’re doing to go back to school and have a nice life with your kids. 🙂

  3. 3 Penelope August 10, 2008 at 1:05 pm

    That totally sucks! I don’t know how me or my kids would cope without their time with their father. They need to see him and I damn well need a break too – I totally understand your frustration. Just crap hon…sorry 😦

  4. 4 gingermagnolia August 11, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    Honey – It was kind of a let down that nothing happened. I was ready to get all scrappy!

    Laura – I’m pretty sure he won’t ever get it, but that’s ok. Thanks for the “props”!

    Penelope – I really don’t know how I’m going to make it that long without a break, but at least I don’t have a newborn…hehehe.

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