A Thankful Heart

It’s that time of year again where thoughts turn to what we’re most greatful for.  With the end of the year fast approaching, here are a few things that I’m thankful for:

My boys, and the fact that they are with me always. 

For Big J working hard to improve his grades, and for applying for a scholarship to a military academy that he’d like to attend for high school.  Reading his application essay filled my heart with more pride than I think I’ve ever felt before.  (Part of me is hoping he doesn’t get it, though, because it’s a boarding school a few hours away).  And he still (even at 13) gives me a hug and kiss every night.

For being able to see Little J’s interest in Senor Fussypants, and how sweet and loving he is toward his baby cousin.  Also that he still (at 10) gives me hugs and kisses every night.

For Harrison, my sweet Senor Fussypants, who makes me laugh and gives me endless smiles and chuckles.

For the close relationship I have with my younger sister, that has only gotten stronger since little Sr. Fussypants was born.

For the work that my mother and I have done to have a better relationship.  I feel like it’s finally paying off, even if just a little, and that’s worth a ton.

For all of you, who give a tremendous amount of support, entertainment, fellowship, and fun(k).  I am very, very thankful to know each and every one of you, even if it’s just through the computer.

I am very thankful that this year, while it’s had its ups,  downs, and WAY downs, has been infinitely better than the year before, and the good times have outweighed the bad.  I’ve met a great friend, even if the benefits parts wasn’t a great idea (read:  HORRIBLE…yet fun).  I also had a pretty great romance, even though it ended badly.  My life is richer for having experienced these things, and I am wiser (I hope) and stronger (I know) because of it.

I’m thankful that I still believe in me.

Totally Music Tuesday

I’m sure most of you know who Jason Segel is, if not from Forgetting Sarah Marshall or I Love You, Man (both great comedies), then from How I Met Your Mother or Freaks and Geeks.  He’s pretty damn funny, but also has some musical ability.  This was too funny not to share.

Also, this song has been getting tons of playtime on my itunes…

New Addition

I decided to add a new page to the sidebar today.  It contains links to posts about Douche, and should help any newbies to understand a)WHY he’s referred to as Douche here, b) why we are no longer married, and c) they dynamics of the relationships he has with our children and myself.

Thanks to Amy for the idea!

My First Bullets

Pow…bang…zip…the weekend in bullets!

 

• The parents spent the weekend in a hotel, so it was pretty relaxed around here.

 

• Finished my final project due for the computer class Friday night, so won’t have to do anything else with the class except show up for the final in a couple of weeks.  (OH YEAH)

 

• I spent 5 hours Saturday and 8 hours Sunday working on school work (not even exaggerating).

 

• Spent more time with the new fella, he is very sweet and unlike the last one, there’s plenty of chemsitry.

 

• Drank some cranberry wine, which is delicious, and watched some old episodes of Reno 911!.  I somehow forgot how much that show makes me laugh (hard).

 

• Got some weird emails from Douche, including (but not limited to) one in which he told me about plans to have a threesome with his wife and her friend.  *Shudder, shudder*  I could’ve told him about some of the fabulous sexy times (heeeey fire house rendezvous) I’ve had since the divorce, but that would be tacky, so I refrained. 

 

• Got a message from the Wonder Twin, and we ended up chatting for a bit last night.  Mother and baby are both doing well, and it was really nice just to talk to him again – albeit carefully.

 

• Finally finished the stupid academic essay due today at about 11 last night.

 

• My back hurt so bad from sitting and working on school stuff this weekend that I didn’t sleep much last night.  Fucking school!

 

That’s about it, lots of homework, but also some fun.  Really looking forward to a few days off of school this week!  What did YOU do this

 weekend??

 

A Little of This, a Dash of That

Y’all oughtta be proud of Miss Ginger.  I found out today that two of the projects I’ve submitted for my teaching with computers class are going to be used as examples for future classes.  I worked my ass off on them, and it’s very rewarding that the professor chose them (only one other person had a project selected), so GO ME!  Couple that with the fact that Thanksgiving break is right around the corner, and this girl is looking forward to a few days off.  If you couldn’t tell by my absence around the blogosphere, I’ve been really effin’ busy.  Deadlines are looming and the semester’s almost over!

Went out again on Tuesday night to eat dinner and listen to music and had a great time yet again.  I think with all the stuff that’s happened, though, I’ve turned into a bit of a chickenshit when it comes to men.  I’m completely gun shy.  The boldness I’ve always felt before is much more reserved, and it’s odd.  Not bad, just different, I guess.

I’ve found myself thinking about WT a bit tonight.  I checked out the band that’s opening for the Avett Brothers when I see them in February and I wanted to share the music with him, because I know he’d like it.  I stopped myself, but fuck, do I miss my friend.  I wish we hadn’t been so stupid and stayed strictly friends.  Boo FWB. 

So that’s how it’s going this Thursday night.  Proud and a little sad.  Maybe next week I’ll be better at reading and posting.

Totally Music Tuesday

So, I’ve been doing this for enough weeks that I’m starting to wonder which songs I’ve posted already.  Since they’re all titled the same, it’d be kind of hard to check, so I’m just going to hope I’m not recycling.  This week , you get Personal Jesus, sung by Johnny Cash.  Dare you to say you don’t like it…

And, just for fun…

Badass-ness

Monday.  BAH!  I meant to write and set up today’s post last night, but well, it didn’t happen.  From 7 until 2 am, I was working on a paper that was due today.  I was seriously sitting, digging through essays, and trying to figure out just what my thesis was and how to develop it.  I hate structured writing!  So that was my night/morning, and I’m running on about 4 and a half hours of sleep. 

This weekend was pretty great.  The date went well!  I finally watched High Fidelity, caught up on Dexter and Mad Men, took a couple of nights off from homework, hence the long night last night.  I’m happy that though school is hectic right now, I will soon have a break from class, papers, and homework.  OH HAPPY DAY!

Let’s get down to business, shall we?  Mumma Boo at Mumma Boo x 2 has bestowed upon me the Badass Blogger Award!

 

I loves me some badassery (and awards!), so was excited to receive it.  The graphic’s cool, too, don’t ya think?  Now, I get to give it away, too!

Most of the blogs I read are written by total badasses, but I guess I’ll choose a few.

1.  Ms. Moon at Bless Our Hearts.  I don’t know who is more badass than she, and I mean that.  From her past to her present, she tells it like it is and doesn’t take any shit from anyone, not even when she’s on vacation.

2.  Evil Twin’s Wife at Glamorous Life of a Housefrau. She is a former punk, tatted up, and shows readers her ta-tas from time to time. 

3.  The Dish.  This girl is as sweet as can be, but she doesn’t let her crazy boss walk all over her.  She has to be a total badass to put up with the stuff she does.

Three badass ladies, all deserving of this award. 

Hope y’all had a good Monday!

Surprise!

Are you sitting down?  I sure hope so.

Something terribly surprising happened yesterday.  Are you ready?  Really, really ready?  You sure?

My mother apologized to me. The words, “I was wrong” actually came out of her mouth.  Can you believe it?  I about fell off the chair when she said that.  Let’s just bask in the shock and awe, shall we?  I’ll wait.

I’m sorry for being behind a bit on the blogs, I’ve been buried in homework and have been working very hard this week to get everything in on time.  This is the first day since last Friday that I haven’t spent the majority of my time at home on school work.  It feels amazing to know that I can take a couple of nights off and not worry about now.  There is only a week and a half until Thanksgiving, and then only one more week of class following that before finals.  The end is in sight!  For this semester, anyhow.

I spoke to one of my professors today about the whole “advising” situation.  She’s been with the university for a while, and even though she’s fairly young, she’s very knowledgable about the university and its policies (plus, she’s buddies with the dean who was rude to me).  I asked for her advice on what steps should be taken, and told her that while I didn’t want to stir things up just for the sake of stirring, I also didn’t want to take it lying down.  She suggested filing an Issues Resolution with the university.  This would entail writing an appeal letter, then meeting with some of the faculty and/or dean.  I’m not sure if it’ll work (it would have been better if I’d been able to get an advising appointment earlier in the semester), but it’s worth a shot.  The worst they can say is no, right? 

So, that’s what’s haps over here in Gingerland.  I still can’t believe my mom apologized to me, working hard to stick it to The Man, and excited to be going out tomorrow night.  What’s the most surprising thing that’s happened to you recently?

Losing

It really seems to be true that when things seem to be headed toward the good, that’s when my mother decides to go off the rails.

For the past couple of weeks, we have gotten along well, she has been calm and friendly, and I’ve confided more in her than I ever have before – and been surprised by how good it felt to talk to her about personal things.  It’s been nice and not as tension-filled as usual.  Obviously when I think things are going well, she has a very different view, and that exploded tonight.

This afternoon, I came home and worked on homework from 2:30 until it was time to go to the high school open house for Big J, which was about 5:45.  Yes, I had that much homework (and I’m still not done).  The boys were quiet and did their homework, then played games until it was time to leave.  We were gone until almost 7:30, at which time the boys showered and I settled back down with my homework.  At around 8, the boys were fighting about what to watch on tv, so I told them both to go to their rooms.  Little J smarted off, so I took him into my room and was dealing with that.  He’s been mouthy quite a bit lately, and I’d had it.  I don’t like talking to the boys where everyone can hear.  It’s not my mother’s or anyone else’s business how I discipline my children.  It does not involve spanking/hurting them, rather discussing the reasons why their behavior is unacceptable and ways they can correct it.  We had been in my room for maybe 2 minutes…and she knew this…when she came down and was calling me to the door.  There are several problems with this, not the least of which I obviously wanted privacy to deal with my son. 

I opened the door and she started yelling at me that one of the boys had deleted one of her shows from the DVR, and that she’s tired of these kinds of things happening.  I said to her, “Ok, I am dealing with another situation right now, can we talk about this later,” to which she screamed at me, “well, maybe you can deal with it in another residence!” as she walked away.  I shut the door and continued with Little J while she stormed upstairs to scream at Big J about it.  Not ten minutes earlier, she had been downstairs joking around with us.

When I had said everything I wanted to say to Little J, I put them both in bed, and went to talk to my mother.  She was sitting in the couch, and I told her (trying to open a discussion), “I’m sorry.  It’s just that I was dealing with something else when you came down there.”  She sat there silent for a moment, and then told me she wasn’t going to talk to me about it right now, that we could discuss it at the therapist’s office tomorrow. 

I think part of this has to do with the revelation that I may not be graduating for another 2 and a half years, of which she does not want to keep a roof over our heads anymore.  That is understandable.  Her actions, however, are not.

God fucking dammit.  You want me to talk to you, then you don’t want me to talk to you.  You tell me I need to stay here until I get my degree, and then you want me gone.  You tell me I’m not strict enough, yet when I’m disciplining the children, you interrupt.  I honestly don’t think there is ever going to be a time where she feels I have done the right thing.

What are my options?  I don’t qualify for section 8 housing because I live here right now, and also the housing in our city is full.  I can’t afford an apartment unless I quit school.  Do I take my kids to a shelter and hope that there’s a program that can help us?  Do I quit school?  None of these are good options, right? 

I feel like my circumstances own me.  I feel like no matter what I do, I will never have a sane relationship with my mother.  I feel like it’s selfish of me to be in school right now instead of making money to house my children.  I feel like for every good day, there are three bad ones.  And I feel like I can’t win for losing.

How did I end up here???

Totally Music Tuesday

Happy Tuesday, y’all.  This week, you get a retro-sounding song, ’cause I’m feelin’ extra sassy.  It’s Bye Bye Baby by The Detroit Cobras.  Go ahead and tap your feet along, you deserve it. 

Hope you have a great day!