Middle of the night and it’s just too quiet. I don’t like being alone, not for very long. While there are times when I can’t wait to be alone, with no one around, I am the kind of person who likes to have a partner, a buddy, a pal, a lover. I crave the touch, the hugs and the affection. I like to be able to sink into another person, lean into them and just be.
This may be the only time I’ll ever say anything good about Douche here, but that’s one thing he was good at. He would let me hug all over him as much as I wanted to and not complain. In fact, every lover/boyfriend/whatever I’ve had since hasn’t minded much, either. The one who was best at cuddling was the one who never let go first. Then he did.
It’s been over a month since I’ve hugged anyone other than my children. I haven’t seen my girlfriends since school started and the guy friends I have now, I am being SUPER careful with to keep as friends. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to this? It’s been 2 years since my divorce. I’ve had 2 ”serious” relationships, 1 friend with benefits (that was a great dumb idea), and a not so serious relationship, but intimate nonetheless. These all happened one right after the other.
I once had a friend tell me that the reason I fall in love so easily and hold so tight to people is because I’m afraid to be alone. I’m sure there’s some truth to that. I mean, see above, right? It’s been almost four months since I’ve been out of a relationship. When WT and I would get together, I’d get that closeness factor, sitting together while we watched Dexter or whatever movie it was, I’d get hugs and big laughs. It was a comfort, and it definitely helped me not to be so sad over the Fireman. He was like a security blanket. He was my good time, my fun. So maybe that’s why I’m so sad? Because I know I don’t have that to look forward to anymore with him? Don’t get me wrong, and before you say it – yes, I understand that I will be close with someone again. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that jazz. He was just a friend. So on and so forth. Time marches on. Any more platitudes I can squeeze in here?
I know it doesn’t really make sense for me to be so upset about what happened. It had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t done to me. If he were just a friend, I should stand by him and support him, right? Love your friends no matter what? I used to think so. Who knows.
The thing is…it’s just that…I mean, the more times this happens (ahem, intentionally or not), the harder it gets to take on the chin. And I could really use a good, honest hug.
I always say that all I am really looking for in a boyfriend/husband is someone to “chill” with. It is not even just physical for me. I want someone around to hang out with and the night is just the worst. I understand exactly what you are saying. And I am sending you a hug!
I understand what you are saying…Sometimes even being IN a relationship I feel lonely, especially on the physical side. It IS hard to keep seeing people let you down in life and “take it on the chin.” as you say. Allow yourself a little bit of wallowing (but not too much). You’ve had some big disappointments int he last few months.
Heres a big Internet Hug for you! Hang in the Ginger!
Big fat hug from not too far away!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
I can understand how you feel. {HUGS}
Sorry you are feeling lonesome, my friend.
I just separated a few months ago, but so far, I like being on my own. I have no notion to date at all. I don’t want the hassle.
I am just enjoying living in my own place and doing what I want. I’m probably too selfish to ever be in a serious relationship again. It’s too bad you have to get married in order to find out you’re not the marrying kind.
Hang in there. You are loved.
SB
Aww! If I lived near you, I’d hug you, even though I’m not the hugging kind. I haven’t been without a boyfriend or the husband in close to 30 years, so I can’t really relate to being lonely like that.
However, I do understand what you’re saying, and I hope you meet a great guy soon!!!
We definitely have the affection quality in common. I love being close to my husband; it is both a comfort and source of great happiness.
I can’t imagine how hard things must be for you at times. I just want you to know, that you handle things that are thrown at you extremely well. You are a successful student and loving mom. Take peace in knowing that some great guy will recognize all your woderful qualities and you will have that closeness again!
Karen – Thank you. I’m glad you GET it.
Vino – There were times when I felt this way toward the end of my marriage. Hugs right back.
Dish – We really do need to get together sometime. Maybe we could meet halfway at some point?
Ron – Thought you might.
SB – Thank you, thank you, and especially thank you for making me laugh every day.
Lola – Aww, you’d do that for moi? Hooray!
Amy – Most of the time I just feel like I’m staying just above water. I guess lots of people feel that way, though. Thank you for your kind words.
I think you summed it up quite nicely. The more it happens, the harder it is to take. It’s like when you have to keep building yourself up all the time to deal with life and keep getting knocked down. These things take a lot our of us and you have every right to grieve a little. Then we just keep on keeping on!