Everything feels wrong today. I dreamed vivid dreams that were so strange, I don’t even know how to sort them out. They were at turns hopeful, sad, and terrifying. I woke up and just laid in bed, not wanting to move, not wanting to sleep, not wanting to be awake.
I got up to wash clothes, and hey, there’s one of his shirts he’d given me to wear home. I had an email from Facebook telling me someone had sent a friend request, so I go over and oops, he had just posted an update. Little things, little things that made my heart sink to my feet.
I’m afraid that tomorrow I will get to Chicago and see a million little things that will hurt like this. I’m afraid that I will be an emotional twit. I feel like I have to do it, though. One day at a time and all that jazz. I don’t think I’ve ever been in the city completely alone, I’ve always had someone with me to share it. The plan is to get in on the train at about 10, drop my stuff at the condo, and go to the Art Institute until lunchtime, where my aunt will meet up with me. So I’ll be alone for the morning. The birthday card I gave FM had a picture of a boy and a girl sitting on a bench, looking at a huge painting, because we did that when we were there. I wrote inside that I loved the memories we’d made and couldn’t wait to make more. Now I’ll just be a girl there. Will I be crying in front of the Monets? There is the distinct possibility.
It is completely appropriate to cry in front of the Monets. I promise.
I will take it one step further… It is appropriate to cry anywhere the mood strikes you. Please try to enjoy the city. Smile at every cute guy you see on the sidewalk. Might as well get some ego strokes, right? Hope you have a great trip.
I know how you feel… sometimes I cry while watching porn…. wait, that might not be the same at all…. ummmm…. you know what I mean
Try to leave the sad stuff at home. Go on the trip and have fun. If you cry at the museum, that’s okay, too. Just be yourself!
Ok I’m going to go out on a limb here (after too much wine, shocking) and say this trip is the perfect opportunity to get some Strange! No, it won’t make you forget, it won’t replace anything, but it might make you feel better for half an hour and give you a fun story to tell on the way home.
If I were in Chicago I’d totally be your Wing Man.
Ms. Moon – Maybe there will be a kind of beauty in it.
The Dish – Note to self: cry when needed, smile as much as possible. Check and check.
Ron – Again, thank you for the chuckle.
ETW – Gonna try really super hard. I’m gonna take my cameras and hopefully get some pretty pictures.
Vinomom – LMFAO. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with that, but that’s not my style. I love you for saying that, though. You rock.
It’ll be an adventure.
Chin up!