Aloha Friday

It’s already Friday?! Man, this week went by super fast, it seems. It was a blur of school, school, and more school. I have never spent so much time on campus as I did this week. I actually am starting to like being there sometimes when I don’t have class, though. I see people I know and get to know them better, I can work on homework, and I have started carrying my mp3 player with me everywhere, so I can listen to my beloved music.

All but one of the students in mine and Bambi’s group passed their tests. The one who failed was very upset. He studied really hard, but hasn’t yet learned how to study efficiently. We have a plan in place to help him figure it out. Most of them improved their scores from last week and were more confident as well. I was so proud! I have added all of them to either Facebook or Myspace (except for the two who don’t use either). I knew one of them was really nervous about taking this week’s test, so I sent him a little comment telling him not to worry. This morning, he told me that made him smile and helped him to at least relax a little. It melted my heart a bit. THIS is why I want to be a teacher. I am enjoying this mentoring thing so very much.

On an odd note, Douche has been texting me a lot lately. It started yesterday, when he sent something of an inside joke. Then, he kept doing it. Kind of like last summer. It’s weird, and it makes me uneasy, because it makes me wonder why he’s not being Douche-y. Like, what’s up his sleeve?

Tomorrow is my sister’s baby shower and I still have to come up with my “rules and regulations” for the family meeting. Grrrr. I need a day set aside to catch up on sleep, I tell ya.

Also, can you guys send some good vibes and thoughts (just in your mind, doesn’t have to be comments) to both Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka and Dutchie from Dutchbitch? They are both swimming in choppy waters right now. Thanks, babies!

I Need A Snuggie, It’s Too Damn Cold

OMG you guys! I have a new boyfriend!!! His name is Trevor and he has dark hair and eyes, and the sweetest face I’ve ever seen. He’s a snazzy dresser, too. Oh and by the way, he’s four.

I went yesterday afternoon and did some of my required observation in the preschool where my sister works, and, my goodness, those kids were so freakin’ cute! There was Brianna, who has severe speech problems and questionable hygiene, but loads of energy and spunk. There was also Olivia, who wanted to boss everyone around and attacked me with “fire snakes” (just pretending, though). There were triplets, too – Sam, Charlie, and Maya. They were sassy and smart. Seriously, I wanted to go back today and play!

When I got home yesterday afternoon, I was beyond exhausted, but Little J got home just as I did, so there was no napping in my immediate future. I was catching up on emails when my mother texted and asked if I would go with her to see the therapist with her in an hour. I told her I could, and she said she’d come pick me up. Cue the dread filling my heart. After yesterday morning, I really didn’t want to be alone in a car with her. I also knew that it was important, though.

Everything was fine, light, and friendly until we got into the office. What followed was her telling me that she’d been angry with me for a while, over my being secretive, over my not being “consistent” with disciplining the boys (I’m more of a nurturer than a disciplinarian, though I don’t feel I’m too lenient), and other serious offenses on the mommy front. It was brutal, and I broke down in tears for the first time since Christmas day (when I was angry at Douche for being such a dick).

Nothing she said was mean or invalid, but it felt like such an attack. We talked about what happened yesterday morning, and I told her why I was angry about the way she presented herself, and that I felt it wasn’t her business. I told her that for little everyday things, her help and assistance was appreciated (things like if the boys are doing something wrong when I’m not in the room, etc), but for school things…unless her advice is asked, please do not butt in.

We decided that I will come up with a few “household rules” for the boys and some consequences for breaking them. I’ll go over them with Mom and Step-dad, and then we will tweak it if needed. After that, we’ll have a family meeting to discuss it with the children. In theory, this will let the boys know what is expected of them and will hopefully reduce some of the tension in the house. I have done this before with them, and it had good results, but admittedly, I’ve let it slide a bit.

We are also going to work on getting to know each other better, spending at least one afternoon/evening away from home together a week. She actually texted me several times today asking how I was and things like that. I really want to be hopeful about this.

By the time I got home, I felt like I’d been beaten up. Exhausted, emotionally and physically. I know that I’ve said it before, but I’m gonna say it again anyway. I am so very thankful for my chosen family of friends. They are amazingly wonderful. Bekki had me laughing because she was trying pilates and failing. Nova cracked me up telling me about his crazy roommate who never shuts up. By the time I went to sleep (at midnight…I really need to go to bed earlier), I had a huge smile on my face, thanks to my Wonder Twin. Life is still beautiful.

Oh yeah, and I got to see the Wonder Triplet today. Jealous?

How Long Till Graduation?

So, I got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep this morning before my mother came into my room being a complete a-hole. To be fair, this is the first time I can ever remember her doing this, but good grief, it was ridiculous.

Let me back up a bit. On Monday afternoon, I got a call from Little J’s school while I was in class. After class, I listened to the message that told me Little J had been involved in a fight (not really a big deal fight, but zero tolerance means everyone gets in trouble) on Friday and was going to be suspended for Tuesday. I called back to talk to the principal, since she said I needed to meet with her before he could come back to school on Wednesday. Ms. Principal was not in her office at the moment, and could she call me back? Well, yes, but I was headed into a class, so I would call back after that. Of course, when I called back (at 3:30), she was gone for the day. Grrr. So, I left another message.

Yesterday, Little J stayed home with my step-dad and did chores. I called Ms. Principal yet again, and was told that she was unavailable. So I told the secretary (for the third time now) the situation, and that I was told I had to meet with Ms. Principal before my son could return to school. Ms. Secretary assured me that Ms. Principal would call me back as soon as she had a moment. Needless to say, I never got a call from Ms. Principal. So, I figured what I would do is have Little J stay home again today, and I would try to get a hold of Ms. Principal in the morning after class.

Cut to this morning. My mother comes into my room (remember I only had a few hours of sleep) and the following ensues:

Mom: Are you taking Little J to school? (In pissy tone)

Me: No

Mom: WHY NOT?!?!?!?!

Me: Because the letter

Mom: I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

Me: (Now yelling) Because I never could get a hold of the principal, and the letter I got and message I got told me I couldn’t bring him back to school until I had a conference with her.

Mom: Well, then you need to take him and go to the school and talk to her! That’s more important than anything else you have to do today! (insinuating that I just blew it off because I didn’t think it was important)

Me: (Wanting to scream “not your business”) Yes Ma’am (very sarcastically)

Mom: You can be mad all you want, but that’s what you need to do.

Me: Gets up and shuts door after mother left it wide open even though I am only wearing a t-shirt and underwear and my room opens to the basement living area.

END SCENE

Now, I wasn’t angry that she told me I should just go to the school, rather I was angry that she was (a) talking to me like a child and (b) acting as if I didn’t think it was something important to take care of.

The kids’ schools are a 30 minute drive away under the best road conditions, and I didn’t want to send him to school only to have them call me during class to come get him because he wasn’t “allowed” to be there. I was also concerned that the elusive Ms. Principal wouldn’t be available if I drove all the way out there, and would therefore have to take him all the way back home.

So, what did I do? Of course I sucked it up, dragged my ass out of bed and drove out to the school. When we walked in, I told Ms. Secretary that I needed to see Ms. Principal. Not surprisingly, Ms. Principal wasn’t there. So I asked what we were supposed to do. She just looked at me as if I were the first parent to ever have this problem. It’s not as if my son gets suspended a lot. This was the first time, so I had no clue as to what the protocol was. At this point, the anger was growing.

Ms. Secretary told me I could talk to another lady, a teacher, who I know isn’t the assistant principal or even an administrator at the school. Basically, all we did was sit down with Little J, have him explain what happened, and give him suggestions on what he could have done differently. All things I had already done with him at home. So why the fuck did I have to go in for that?!?! I ended up missing my first class of the day, and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep until the later one. My step-dad is at home, though, and I hate having to explain myself, so I just came over to campus early.

I’ve already gone through all of your blogs, and I am so very tired. I have my math class soon, which is extremely boring. Luckily, I bought a Monster to help keep me awake. After class, I’m going to the preschool where my sister works (as a speech tech) to do observation for one of my classes. Yay for playing with little kiddos! I just hope I can make it through the day without passing out on a desk.

On a happy note, my girl Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka is having her baby today via induction. Send her some good, happy, healthy baby mojo.

Totally Music Tuesday

Ok, y’all…I’ve been getting lots of new music, both from Nova and from my Wonder Twin, so I have a song for ya again this week. This one comes courtesy of Nova, who always has funky shizz that I’ve never heard of. It’s G. Love and Special Sauce and this song is called “Booty Call.” You love it already, don’t you, my lovelies? I also really like their song “Sunshine,” but I couldn’t find a good video for it.

A Little Eye Candy For Ya

So, I found a picture of the Tom Brady look-alike for ya. All hail the power of the internet! He’s been dubbed the Wonder Triplet by Lola…

TA-DA

Crazy Mofo

I got a big ol’ dose o’ crazy this morning. When I woke up, there were 10 text messages from The Crazy One. Seems he was checking out my myspace page and didn’t like what he saw in the form of comments from another man. Apparently, he thinks that I belong to him, and that any other man isn’t worthy. He didn’t understand how I couldn’t be jealous about him talking or dating other women, and that since I wasn’t, I must have been lying when we were together and didn’t love him. Oh, and I must be acting like a friend as a ploy to get revenge on him. As if!

He sent the messages between 1 and 2 a.m. He’s lucky I had my phone on vibrate or I would have been up all night berating his sorry ass for that shit. As it is, I sent him an email telling him he better not ever fucking pull that again. I am not a possession of anyone but myself. That yes, he knew that I loved him then, but that is over, the door is closed forever. I thought I had made it clear that I wasn’t going there with him again. Apparently crazy also equals deaf. I also told him to grow the fuck up. If he wants a friend, he has one. Jesus! I was so angry. How dare he?!

And then, I got a message from my Wonder Twin. It made me smile and laugh a little, and it was exactly what I needed. He saved the day, just by being himself. He’s pretty awesome like that.

I’m sure TCO will apologize later, and I’m sure I will try and be his friend. It’s what I do. My achilles heel and all that jazz. Grrrr.

Update. Ahahahaha, so I got an email back saying, “fuck you and your retarded ass friends.” What a crazy bastard. Why did I even bother trying to be nice?

Why Cry Over Spilled Milk?

Holy moly, this day started off horribly! It’s a good thing it got better, otherwise I probably would have run away from home.

I woke up this morning to a horrible commotion coming from upstairs. My room is in the basement, and the floors are creaky, so I sleep with a white noise machine turned up very loud (I’m an extremely light sleeper), and a fan. It sounded like someone was either stomping on the floor or dropped something heavy. Then, I heard someone yelling. Oh Lord, I did NOT want to get up to see what was going on, since I knew it was my mother and she was most likely yelling at one of the boys. Not the nicest thing to wake up to.

I got out of bed and turned off the noise machine. I heard her telling Big J to get upstairs and clean his room RIGHT NOW, followed by slamming the washing machine closed (which is right next to my room) and then the door to the laundry room. Grrrr. (Incidentally, if anyone else in the house had done these things, it would be considered atrocious).

I waited for her to go back upstairs, brushed my teeth, then ventured out to see what the hell was going on. I saw her going to her car, so I was relieved that she wasn’t in the house at this point. I went upstairs to the boys’ rooms to find out what had happened. Apparently, it was all over a gallon of milk.

We have a refrigerator in the basement as well as in the kitchen. Usually, we have a gallon of milk upstairs and a spare in the basement. Ya with me? Good. So, I guess one of the boys used the last of the milk from the kitchen, then came and got a new gallon from the basement to use. No big deal, right? That’s what they’re supposed to do. EXCEPT that there were TWO gallons in the basement fridge this time, and they grabbed the “wrong” one because it’s expiration date was later than the one behind it. So, she flew off the handle and was yelling at them because they were “wasting money.”

I ask you, how many kids would look at the expiration date on a gallon of milk? I know I wouldn’t have when I was their ages. Anyhow, she’s yelling at them and wakes up my step-dad, who basically tells her she’s overreacting BIG TIME (he’s the one person who doesn’t take any shit from her), which caused her to go off on him, then continue yelling at the boys. Fun times.

She had told them to clean their rooms, which is fine, I’m all for that. The only problem was, the three of us were supposed to meet my friend Bekki and her son at the skating rink in a few hours’ time. So, I went up and helped them sort and get trash out and put away clothes in the proper places (they are very messy kids). We got everything done and made it to the skating rink on time. The kids had a blast with Bekki’s son and she and I were able to catch up.

Last night, Mom had asked me if the two of us could spend some time together after we got home from the skating rink. I told her sure, but was curious as to why she wanted to do so. We ended up going to the little shopping center near us, where I got a $160 coat for $45. Gotta love Kohl’s. She bought a coat for Big J, and I bought a new shirt for Little J. Then she took me out to dinner.

We both ordered some sangria, which at this restaurant comes in a gi-normous glass. I told her how excited I am about the mentoring, and we talked about some teaching philosophy stuff. She met my Wonder Twin the night he came over, and asked me a little bit about him. I voluntarily told her what had happened with LS. I even told her that The Crazy One and I have been talking again. By the time we were done eating, I was completely tipsy, which was probably a good thing because the discussion turned a little serious. She told me that she thinks it’s a good idea for us to work in some time to get away, just the two of us, every once in a while. Okay, sounds good. She said she wants to know me. Okay, still good. Then, she drops the bomb. The whole reason she took me out.

Apparently, when she, the boys, and I went to Chicago in December, she got her feelings hurt pretty badly when my dad called and I talked to him for about an hour in the car on the way home. She said that she learned more about me by listening to me talk to him than she did the whole time I’ve lived her. Knowing that I had hurt her, even without realizing it, made me tear up. (DAMMIT I’ve been doing that a lot lately)!I apologized to her, and told her I heard her, and I’m glad that she told me.

So, I guess it’s gonna be a regular thing, hanging out with my mother. The funny thing is…when the two of us started therapy, I suggested that maybe she wanted to spend more time with me and she told me I misunderstood. Hmmmmm. At least I know that she’s actually LISTENING to the therapist and trying to make things better, which can only be a good thing.

Letter To My Teenager

Dear Big J,

How is it that you’re 13 already? There’s no way it’s possible. It was just a few years ago that you were born, only months since you learned to read, and only days since you learned to ride a bike. What’s that? I’m mistaken on the time frame? I guess that’s what happens with memories.

The day you were born, we knew you were coming. We had to go to the hospital for induction because you were over a week past due. Your Dad, Grandma, and NiNi were all there in the room when you took your first breath at 5:35 p.m., while the rest of the entire family waited anxiously outside. There was never another baby who was more adored than you were on that day (and many days to follow).

You seemed so tiny, even through you weighed 8 lbs. and were 19 inches long. You had downy blonde hair that reminded me of a baby chick. The first night we were home, I don’t think I slept a wink. I kept getting up to check on you and make sure you were still breathing. (Actually, this went on most of your infancy, as it did when Little J was born).

Everyone agreed that you were a little cherub. You were as cute as a button and were always smiling. Auntie E could always make you laugh. When you slept, you looked like an angel. When you were awake, we threw balls and read stories and played on the piano.

I didn’t know how to be a mommy until you came along. How could I? I was just a kid myself, only two years older than you are now. We’ve grown up together, kiddo. You were there when I graduated from high school, and you’ll be there when I graduate from college. I am so glad to have you as my son. You are kind and thoughtful and loving. That is, when you aren’t exhibiting behaviors fueled by hormones. Even then, you’re pretty easy going. That’s probably a good thing, seeing as you’re quickly passing me up in the height/weight department.

I’m also glad that we got to spend an entire day together, just the two of us. You kept telling me what a great day it was. It was fun to hang out with you, man. As I write this to you, my eyes have filled with tears and some have spilled over. I am so very proud of the young man you are, even as I am afraid of what may come in the future. Whatever comes, I know that you will thrive. You always have. I wish everything I wished for you then, only harder.

I love you so very much,

Mom

Yay For Learnin’

Today was my second study group as a peer mentor. It went much more smoothly than last week. The one older gentleman who was hell-bent on taking over the class because he knew everything? He got moved to another group. The other mentor (I’ll call her Bambi, because she is cute and sweet) and I don’t know why, but we sure were glad he was gone.

Bambi and I didn’t know each other before last Thursday, so we met up today before group to have lunch and make plans for our students. I am really glad that we did, because she is a cool chica. I’m glad we like each other, and we were even laughing a lot by the time the hour was up. We commiserated about what a nightmare last week was, and got to know each other a bit.

This week, Tom Brady look-alike didn’t show up. Sadness, I tell ya! One of the other guys wasn’t there, either, but two new girls were there. We gave them their first quiz, and walked them through the oddball setup of the quizzes/tests. Then we discussed every question and why the answers were right or wrong. Everyone participated, and seemed to feel comfortable with each other, which is great. We brought up the suggestion of them joining a study group outside of class time. There is one every Friday morning, but most of them don’t want to get up that early when they don’t have class. They all pulled together and have planned to meet an hour before our discussion group every Thursday. It made me feel so proud, and psyched about mentoring. I can’t wait to see how they progress over the semester. I was sure last fall that I made the right choice to change majors, and this only reinforces that.

Tomorrow morning, I’ll be headed to campus to help out with the first round of tests. You better believe I’m gonna find those two rascals who didn’t show up to group and remind them how important it is for them. (And also for my covert picture-taking assignment).

On a strange note, I have begun to wean myself off of the Lexapro, which was the plan with the doctors. I’ve been taking it every other day this week, but I have noticed that by the second afternoon, I am feeling very strange. I’m thinking about asking the doc to call in another month for me so I can take a little more time weaning. I’m not so much worried about my moods, but I hate feeling so odd. I didn’t do it properly last time, and I can remember feeling “jolts” every once in a while, and I’d like to avoid that this time. Anyone have any advice on this?

I Can Tell That We’re Gonna Be Friends

I spent the better part of a morning deleting things off of my full mp3 player to make room for all of the spectacularly good music that was given to me by my Wonder Twin. I had a lot of stuff on there that I never listen to, so I went through and deleted the songs that I always skip over, and added at shit ton of new stuff.

I figured it’s worth my time, because there are days when I have a lot of time in between classes, and therefore have time to sit and listen to music in the common areas here on campus. Some of it is new to me (like Nickel Creek) and some are songs that I had before on tapes, but not in digital form (Nirvana). Yay for music!

I also have some interesting (and amusing) information regarding The Crazy One. As you know, we are trying the “strictly friends” thing now that time has passed. It’s going well, I think. For a few days, I was worried that he would fixate on me again. There were emails and texts about missing me, about how I was the only person who really “knew” him. I’m sure that’s true. One night he asked me something regarding sex with LS. I replied, “no comment.” He got really upset about that. I reminded him that that was NOT his business anymore. No matter what I could say about it, it would be the wrong thing, and would only hurt him. That night, there were a lot of texts he sent that went unanswered.

In the past few days, though, he started telling me about this girl at work that wants to date him. I encouraged him, telling him that it would be a good idea to get out and do things again (and keep him from fixating on me). Then, he tells me she is 19. 19!!!!!!! A teenager! This man is 35 years old! While I understand that teenage girls are more mature than teenage boys, I can’t imagine (at 28) dating a 19-year-old. Not that I haven’t had the opportunity, I just thought it would be too weird. He hasn’t decided whether he will go out with her or not, but I’m sure he will. I bet him that he will tell me he’s in love with her within a month. He bets that he won’t. I’m pretty sure I’ll win. It is nice, though, to be able to talk to him as a friend and give him advice without him talking about the past. If we can keep the boundaries up, I think we may just be able to pull off this friendship thing. That was always my goal when we broke up.