I Hate That Mother F*ckin’ Douchebag

For the past few weeks, I have been home, missing my boys like crazy since they are with their father (El Douchebaggo).  Basically, since he lives a long way away, and because he’s an incredible douche, they have only seen him 3 times since June 2007.  They saw him for three days before Christmas (he left on Christmas Eve), they saw him on Spring Break, and they have been with him since July 5. 

I will admit that there are times when I wish he lived closer so I could have a break every other weekend.  Pretty quick after that thought pops up, I remember why I am so glad that he doesn’t.  Namely, he is a douchebag.  In every sense of the word.  He is slimy.  He is a liar.  He is one of those people who can’t open his mouth without lying about something, anything, no matter that it isn’t important anyway.  I don’t ever want to see him again, let alone every other weekend.  Every time we have had to swap the kids, I get so angry and just filled with hate for him.  I can’t imagine doing that every other weekend.

Usually, I try very hard to keep a cordial (outwardly, at least) relationship with him.  Not that we talk a lot or anything, but when I do have to contact him about something, I try hard to keep it “not bitchy.”  Right now, though, I am so filled with rage that all I can think about it hitting his face with my fist over and over again.

Last week, I got a call from a collections agent.  This was for the ONE bill that was in my name that he was ordered to pay in our divorce decree.  THE ONLY ONE!  There have only been sporadic payments made since September of last year, so every time someone contacts me about it, I have to call and threaten to take him to court to get it resolved.  This has been going on for months and months.  Finally, last month, I got a notice in the mail that there had been some payments made.  So I called and thanked him for taking care of it. 

Not a week later did this call come from the collections agent.  Now this debt is in FEDERAL collections (it was a military credit card), which, according to the agent, can affect my SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER and my federal financial aid for school.  Needless to say, I was upset.  I explained the situation and how my ex was supposed to be responsible for this account (for the millionth time).  She suggested I call him and see if I could get him to call her.  They can’t really go after him since the debt is in my name and not his.  They don’t give a rip about what your divorce decree states.  These are things you need to know when getting divorced! 

So, I called Douche and told him what she had said.  I was almost hysterical on the inside, but held it together pretty well.  I told him I thought that he had taken care of it already, but obviously he hadn’t.  He kept saying, “Yes, I did.  I have proof.  I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  I finally just told him to call the number and talk to the lady himself.  About thirty minutes later, I got a call back from the collections agent.  She told me that he had agreed to settle the debt and set up monthly payments of $581 for six months.  I was shocked.  That’s a WHOLE lot of money, right?  I don’t really care as long as it gets taken care of.  My credit is already ruined because of that fucker.  I have been lucky only in the sense that I haven’t had to declare bankruptcy. 

Cut to this morning.  As I am going through the school supplies I bought for the boys, sorting them out, checking the lists to see what’s still missing, I realize that they will need new shoes and haircuts before school starts.  They are only supposed to come home two days before the first day of school, and that doesn’t leave much time for haircuts and shoe shopping.  So, I texted Douche and asked if he could get them these things before they came home.  Here are the texts verbatim

ME:  Do you think you can buy the boys some school shoes and get their hair cut before they come home?

Douche:  Nope

ME:  Why not?

Douche:  U get over 1000 damn dollars a month from me a month.  its called child support – not ginger support (not a correct amount, by the way)

ME:  I am not using it to support me you jackass.  I have to buy all of their clothes and supplies, school lunches and sports stuff which you are really supposed to be paying half of.  All I’m asking you to do is get them shoes and a haircut.

Douche:  U could afford their shoes and a haircut if u quit spending all the kids money on all your damn friends.

ME:  What the hell are you talking about?  (I really don’t know, still)

Douche:  So ur saying all 990 dollars (still not the correct amount) are going 2 the boys

ME:  I’m asking what the hell you are talking about.

Douche:  Ask the boys what im talking about

ME:  You putting the boys in the middle of any of this is really low.  All I asked you to do was to get them shoes and a haircut.  That isn’t a lot to ask.

Douche:  Uve gotten 8910 dollars a month (who knows where that came from, ’cause it’s out there) for child support since the divorce, i think i’m covered

ME:  And I have let you see the boys any time you wanted to, let you talk to them any time you wanted to and have not given you any trouble.  Yet any time I ask you for something or to do what was court ordered you act like this.  If you don’t take care of the one bill or strat the alimony up again this month, I will have to take you to court.

Douche:  When i have the boys – i’m only suppose (SIC) 2 pay half on child support – wheres my half

ME:  No you aren’t.  Read the papers.  There is a deduction in child support throughout the year so that you have money to travel to see them or have them.  I explained it to you way back in November or December.

Douche:  Read the papers again.

ME:  If you don’t want them you can bring them home at any time.  If you think there is a problem, then let’s go to court.  Otherwise shut up about things you don’t understand or know anything about.

Now, can you understand why I hate having to deal with this douchebag?  No matter how “nice” I try to be when dealing with him, it always turns dirty, because it always turns to money.  I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t him, but his wife texting.  That’s fine.  I don’t care.  The part that really pisses me off…the part that really gets under my skin…is that they are grilling my kids about what I spend money on.  For one thing, my kids don’t know.  It’s not as if I sit down with them and explain where each dollar goes.  I still don’t have any clue what he meant about spending all the child support on my friends.  I don’t go out drinking, I don’t go to clubs.  I stay at home or go to my friends’ houses.  I took a trip this year to visit people, but I had saved my tax return money for that, it didn’t come out of his pocket.  It is NOT okay to use kids that way, especially when they are MY kids. 

I try very hard to live by the golden rule.  As in “treat others the way you would like to be treated.”  I am very idealistic in that way.  I hate it that this asshole and his wife can’t at least understand what they are doing is hurting the boys.  I’m sure that no matter what happens, I will be painted as the bad guy, at least in some people’s eyes.  That’s okay, though.  I know me.  I know my motivations.  I know that I have done nothing wrong.  And I also know that no matter what, I am a good mom.  I wouldn’t use my boys to gain knowledge about what their dad was doing.  Believe me, I have had to catch myself sometimes as I was about to ask a question I shouldn’t ask.  I don’t talk bad about their dad in front of them, because I know it would hurt them.

I honestly wish Douche would just disappear.  They would be better off without him in their lives at all than with him showing up every few months.  I believe that sincerely.  I hope and pray none of you ever have to deal with such fuckery.

Tagged

Honeywine has tagged me with an award/meme.  It’s called the Arte Y Pico award and it goes a little somethin’ like this…

The rules state:

1. You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award through creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, no matter of language.

2. Each award should have the name of the author with a link to their blog.

3. Award winners have to post the award with the name and link to the blog of the person who gave them the award.

4. Please include a link to the “Arte Y Pico” blog (I warn you its all in spainish…it could say “you are covered in stinky boils” over and over again for all I know) so that everyone will know where the award came from.

 

And Here’s How It Works:

1. Link the person(s) who tagged you:  Done!
2. Mention the rules on your blog: Also done.  I’m on a roll!
3. Tell about 5 unspectacular quirks of yours: UNSPECTACULAR, I believe is the key word.
4. Tag 5 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

 

Ok, I just copied the rules from Honeywine, but you see how it goes.

 

Here are my 5 ~unspectacular~ quirks:

 

1.  I am a lefty.  I enjoy being a lefty.  It is awesome in every way…except when trying to use scissors or a curling iron.  Don’t ask.

 

2.  I’m a 7th generation native Texan.  Don’t mess with Texas!

 

3.  Je parle francais un petit peu.

 

4.  I can recall movie quotes from just about any movie I have ever seen.  Only my sister, brother-in-law, and kids find this amusing and/or fun.  It annoys the hell out of my mother when my sister and I get on a roll.  THAT’S pretty fun.

 

5.  I enjoy reading sick and twisted novels.  For instance, Stephen King and Chuck Palahniuk are my favorite authors.  King isn’t too twisted, usually, but Palahniuk sure as hell is.  As you’re reading, you keep thinking to yourself, “he’s not gonna go there,” but then he does, and you’re left feeling bewildered and disgusted, but also strangely amused.  If you are interested, but haven’t read him before, you should probably start with Fight Club.  It’s the least twisted, and that’s saying a lot.  My favorite was either Haunted or Invisible Monsters.

 

I don’t have too many friends in the blogoshpere, but the ones I have I read just about daily.  I am tagging the following with this award:

 

1.  B. at Miz Lucky - She’s my pal and hasn’t really posted much.  Maybe this will give her the boost she needs.  Plus, she needs to figure out the meme situation stat!

 

2.  Dutch Bitch over at The Dutch Files – She’s a kick-ass babe who has a penchant for stilettos.  She rocks my socks.

 

3.  Penelope at It’s Me Penelope- A proper British lady.  Pshaw!  She’s a foul-mouthed, wine-drinkin’, cig-smokin’ badass.  She also happens to be very sweet and in love with Neil Diamond.

 

4.  KC at Sarcasmatic - KC’s a career girl in the big city.  The first time I read her blog, I think I went back and read posts going back a few months.  Aaaand…she has her very own scooter, named Buddy!  How cool is that?

 

5.  Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka - Aunt Becky is one in a million.  She is always very funny and silly, even when she is whining about no one celebrating her birthday properly.  I promise she will make you laugh till you (almost) pee your pants. 

Ugh..School

Even though I graduated from high school some 11 years ago, and even though I have attended no less than 4 different colleges, I have yet to receive any type of degree.  Moving around every year or two can really stunt your educational growth. 

I have always enjoyed school, and am pretty darn good at it, for the most part (I HATE math).  I have always wanted to get a degree in something, just not sure what.  I started off as a nursing major, but soon realized there was no way I could hack it in the bloody world of nursing.  So, I switched my major to psychology, which is extremely interesting, but there are all of those pesky research papers.  When I started looking into the university here, I thought maybe I would be an English teacher.  Well, a year of working with middle schoolers has shown me that is NOT where I want to be for the next 30 years of my life!

So, I didn’t know what to do.  I went to the career services center on campus and talked with a guy there, who gave me a list of people to talk to and websites for the personality and career inventory tests.  He suggested maybe I should major in General Studies (uh, what can I do with that?) with a minor in psych.  When I got back from my trip, I made an appointment to see him again so we could talk about the results.  Surprise, surprise, I couldn’t get in to see him until next Monday. 

Meanwhile, I had emailed the psych department head and set up a meeting with her yesterday to discuss my options.  She made me feel loads better than the guy from career services.  Basically what I have decided to do is to major in Psychology and minor in English with a concentration in writing.  Woohoo!  I have a major/minor!

The hard part now is the scheduling.  The job I have now is only 35 hours a week, but it’s during the school day.  Two of the psych classes I need are available at night, but the language and math classes are going to be during the day.  I have emailed my principal to see about working around the classes (my hours are pretty flexible anyway), but I’m worried that I may not be able to keep up with work, school, and kids (not to mention crazy mother). 

I’m not excited to be going back to school anymore.

Why Does This Matter to Me?

I made the mistake today of going onto my ex-sister-in-law’s MySpace page.  I haven’t used MySpace very much at all since I got back from Texas, and tonight when I logged in, I saw that she had added new pictures.  I thought, “Hey, I bet there’s some of my boys in there.”  So, I went over and looked.  Sure enough, there were some really cute ones of them at their Grandpa’s house fishing.  Although I would have appreciated it *cough* if she had emailed them to me, as I email her and her mother pictures of them all the time *ahem* with no thanks or even an “I got the pictures you sent!”

Along with the pictures of the boys were some pictures of their dad (Douche) and step-mother (C*nt).  I think I will post them here, just so you all can do a comparison of me (fabulous) with C*nt (skank ho).  I know, I know, not the most mature thing, but for some reason seeing these pictures got me all agitated. 

I think that part of it is that SHE was visiting his (MY) family.  Another part is that I miss my boys so much it hurts and SHE is with them now and there’s not a damn fucking thing I can do about it.  I think I’m also still mad about the revelation about my ex-sil telling some family members that ”Ginger only tells people what she wants them to know about the situation.”  What else would I tell people?  I have only told the truth about my situation and his situation, as I know it.  I have not lied one bit to anyone in that family about anything.  Douche is the one who lies so much that he can’t keep his stories straight.

So, since I can’t do anything else really, here are the pictures I “right click saved” tonight.  Enjoy.  Make snide comments.  Please do!  I need to chuckle.  I miss my babies.

That shirt she’s wearing?  That used to be my night shirt.  Classy.  Lookin’ mighty chubby there, Douche.

Nice outfit, beyotch.  I wonder if I could find that at the Dollar store?  Also – who wears their sunglasses BEHIND their hair?  Really?

 

I am imagining that someone kicked them both in the shin really hard under the table.

Trip Day 7

The next morning, we got up and got our things together and Honey and M. headed into town with us for lunch.  We ended up in the most bizarre restaurant.  The name of it escapes me, but the sign said “Sports Bar and Grill,” so I was expecting burgers and sandwiches, but turns out it was more of a Korean/Chinese place with only two different burgers you could order.  Weird, huh?  It was good, though, and I was glad for the extra visit time with them.

 

Now we were on our way back to Texas, planning to see my grandmother again before we left.  By the time I got an hour away from where she is, I decided I was just too worn out to drive all the way out there and back that night, so we ended up just going back to J & C’s.  I think I made the right decision, as we had to get up and be on the road to the airport by 6 a.m.  We ended up tooling down to the San Jacinto River on the four-wheeler and got a few good pictures from a cliff on their property.

 

 Here I am being a badass on the four wheeler!

 

 View of the San Jacinto River from above.

 

 Bridge on the property.

 

 

View from back deck at J & C’s house.

Trip Day 6

Monday was Natchitoches day.  Honeywine mandated that we must be up and ready to leave by 8:30 a.m.  Yikes.  We did it, though.  The drive takes about an hour, and let me tell you, I feel like I drove more than anything else on this trip.  Since I had rented a car, I was the only one who could legally drive the car.  I loved the car, it was a Nissan Altima and was very comfortable, but Lord, did I drive. 

 

 

The first stop we made was at Monroe Plantation.  There was an old store, overseers’ house, and slave quarters that you could walk in and around.  We went into the store first, and were the only people there.  There were two rocking chairs in there, and a checker set and dominoes.  We walked around to the back of the store, and there was another room off of it, with a screen door separating it.  We were all at the back of the store, and Honey said aloud, “I wonder if we can go back there.”  I said, “I think we could, but I don’t know if we should.”  Then I noticed that one of the rocking chairs was rocking.  None of us were anywhere near the chair, nor did any of us touch it.  Spooky, huh?  We walked around the rest of the place and got properly weirded out by it. 

 

 

 Overseers’ House                                                    Slave Quarters

 

The next stop was St. Augustine church, which was where Julia Roberts’ character Shelby got married in the movie Steel Magnolias.  There was also a really old cemetery where I got some pictures of the grave markers.  It was so tightly packed that there were places that you couldn’t walk between the graves without stepping on a grave, which I refuse to do.  It was a very pretty church, but the doors were locked so we couldn’t get any pictures from inside the sanctuary. 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                 

                                                            

After some wrong turns (thanks, girls!), we finally ended up at Oakland Plantation.  This one had much more to see than the first one.  We went on a guided tour through the main house and found out that it was a bicentennial plantation, meaning that the same family owned it for over 200 years, and had only sold it to the National Forest Service in 1998.  It was pretty cool.  There were lots of outbuildings and things we could have poked around, but seeing as it was 98 degrees out, we opted not to. 

 

 

HUGE Oak Trees

Front of Main House

View from Front Porch

 

We ended up on Front Street at Merci Beaucoup Restaurant for lunch.  We had planned to eat at The Landing, but for some unknown reason, they are not open on Mondays.  Honey and I had eaten at Merci Beaucoup before, though, and it was delicious.  I just HAD to have some gulf shrimp, which are nothing like what you get in the Midwest.  They were HUGE!  We also had a photo op.  After lunch, we meandered through the shops, making sure to stop at Les Saisons Candy Shop to get some pecan pralines. 

 

Honey and me (aren’t we cute?)Honey, Tina, and Me

 

(I had a pic with Miz Lucky, too, but I’m not sure if I can put her picture up here)

 

We finally got back to the G.T. (ghetto trailer) and stopped just long enough to use the potty and drop off Honey and Tina.  Then Miz Lucky and I headed back to town to visit with those other friends I was telling you about.  We stayed for a while, and I got to tool around a bit in their 17-year-old son’s Jeep Wrangler.  (Hey, I let him drive my car last year!)  It was fun and good to see them and their kids.  It got late very quick, though, and we had to get back to Honey’s place. 

 

Once safely back out in the country, after driving down some VERY
 dark and spooky roads (and seeing a fox!), we somehow got onto ghost stories and scared ourselves.  Honey’s got some very scary stories.  I told her she should post some towards Halloween.  Luckily, Miz Lucky and I were sharing a room so we didn’t have to be alone!  We just made each other giggle until we weren’t scared anymore.  Something about granny panties…hers, not mine.

 

 

If you ever get the chance to go there, Natchitoches, Louisiana (pronounced Nack-a-tish) is a wonderful town to visit.  There are lots of bed and breakfasts and it is a beautiful, quaint little town.  It is also where the movie Steel Magnolias was filmed.  You can find out more about Natchitoches here and more about Oakland Plantation here.

Welcome Miz Lucky

Hey y’all!  My buddy decided to start her own blog, so I need you to go give her some love!

She’s a Harley-ridin’ badass!  We have worked together this past year, and have become very close friends.  She’s had some hard times recently, but I’m hoping they won’t last too much longer.  She can always make me giggle. 

Go on over and tell Miz Lucky hello!

Trip Day 5

Now that the boys were with their dad, it was time to head to Louisiana and Honeywine!  We rolled into town at about 5:30 or so, stopped to eat dinner, and then headed out the last 30 minutes or so to the ghetto trailer.  I was so happy to see Honey and her family, but very tired.  They even had cake and ice cream for my birthday.  WOOHOO! 

 

We pretty much went down, let M. take our things in (we always knew he was good for something), visited shortly and went to bed.  The next day was an easy day, since we didn’t have anywhere we needed to go specifically.  We ended up driving into town and having lunch.  Miz Lucky wanted some souvenirs, so we went in a few shops and looked around.  While in one of these shops, I literally ran into a family that I have known since I lived in Hawaii.  Our kids went to kindergarten together, so that was a nice surprise. 

 

We rented a few movies and went back to the G.T. and relaxed and goofed off all night.  We watched Definitely, Maybe and Witless Protection.  Guess which one M. wanted to watch?  It was fun and relaxing and rejeuvenating.  Except for all the talking M. does while watching a movie!  As much as I razz M., I really do like him.  It’s just too darn easy to tease him. 

Trip Day 4

On the fifth, we slept a little late, and when I got up, I texted Douche to see how far they had traveled to get an idea about when he’d be in town.  Turns out he was already there at his dad’s house.  Excuse me?  You couldn’t have called and let me know you were coming in earlier?  Really?  How hard is it to be courteous? 

 

We all showered and dressed and packed the car up, and started heading towards my ex-father-in-law’s place (about a 45 minute drive from where we were).  When I called to let him know we were on our way (like he should have done for me), he said, “Oh, well we have to go to town and get groceries, can you meet us at Wal-Mart?”  Okay, no problem, that’s fine.  We get to Wal-Mart and I call to ask where his truck is parked.  He says, “I’m inside, why don’t you just give the boys their stuff and they can meet me inside and I’ll put their stuff in my truck?”  Um, no.  First of all, they each had a huge suitcase, plus a couple of smaller bags.  Secondly, why would I do that?  That’s stupid.  Then he tells me he’ll come out and show me where his truck is.  I see him come out the side door and start walking towards the side parking lot, so that’s where I head.  As I’m driving through the parking lot, I spot his truck, with C*nt sitting inside, glaring.  Now, as you know, I have yet to meet the woman who my ex married, who is pregnant with my sons’ half sister.  I kind of pointed her out and said, “Oh, there’s Daddy’s truck.”  I parked where he was standing, got out and squeezed the boys as tightly as I could.  Honestly, when I look at Douche, I can’t even see a bit of the person I lived with for half my life.  All I see is a sad fool.  That’s good, because that’s what he is.  The whole time, C*nt was just glaring out the window.  What the hell?  What does she have to be mad about?  The nerve!

 

So, the kids had to drag their suitcases/bags across the parking lot to his truck.  All so Douche and C*nt wouldn’t be uncomfortable by being around me.  Although why it would be scary or uncomfortable for them is beyond me.  My blood pressure was so high as we left the parking lot, I was cussin’ a blue streak!  Thank goodness Miz Lucky was there to talk me down!

 

I had planned on going out to visit my ex FIL, though, so Miz Lucky  and I headed out that way.  He had called and told me he was home and we could come.  He was very nice to me, as he always has been.  I didn’t get to see him last summer when I was down, so it had been two years.  He told me he couldn’t believe what had happened and that Douche hadn’t even told him that C*nt was pregnant.  They just showed up and here she is as big as a house!  By the way, they didn’t let him know they were coming early, either.  They are also still telling everyone that they aren’t married yet, that they don’t want to get married for the “wrong reasons”.  Oh, okay.  Miz Lucky and Honey and I are guessing that they are going to wait until next year on their anniversary to have their “wedding” and tell everyone.  I also think that the baby will come “early”.  How ridiculous is that?  What kind of a woman would be okay with that???  What’s that you say?  A C*nt?  I think you’re right.  We had a nice, albeit short visit with my ex-FIL.  He got called into work after about 30 minutes, so we went on our way, but not before he showed Miz Lucky his Harley. 

 

You see, Miz Lucky won a Harley from a radio station a couple of months ago, and has ridden it like a real motorcycle mama ever since she got it.  So, they were talking bikes and he even let her sit on his 100th Anniversary Edition Harley (it’s special, trust me).  I wish I had gotten a picture.  When she went in to use the restroom before we left, he told me he wished he were 20 years younger.  Props to Miz Lucky!  I teased her the whole rest of the trip, but it really made her day to be flirted with.  I told them both they should be pen pals.  I was half serious, too.  She could be my kids’ step-grandma.  How funny would that be?

Trip Day 3

It was the fourth, so the kids all swam all day.  I would have liked to swim, but when there are so many kids, it’s hard to enjoy the pool…plus the water was cold!  I have a really cute swimsuit, too, and I haven’t been able to wear it much yet. 

 

My mom and step-dad were in town by then, so they showed up at J & C’s, as did my older sister and my aunt, plus some of J & C’s relatives that I’ve known forever.  We had barbecued brisket, baked beans, and potato salad.  We also had the best ice cream in the world, A.K.A. Blue Bell.  I couldn’t come to Texas and not have Blue Bell!  Miz Lucky  thought she’d died and gone to heaven with all the great food she’d never had before! 

 

The men had gone and gotten a whole mess of fireworks (and some liquor as well), and as soon as it got dark the kids started in on them (the fireworks, that is, not the liquor!).  It was fun for the kids, stressful for the parents. 

 

 

Little J had a meltdown that night at bedtime because the next day was when he was going with his dad and step-mother.  To say he was worried about it was an understatement.  I knew I would have to let them go with their dad the next day, and was upset myself.  It’s weird how you go through all these different emotions when you know the kids will be gone for a long time.  There is some relief, some excitement knowing that you won’t have to worry about finding a sitter for anything, but there is a whole lot of worry and sadness, too.